Endurance and faith...

I'd be a liar if I told you that this has been a FANTASTIC year.  That it has been a year of SUCCESS and BLISS.  You would see  right through me.  I know you would.

This last twelve months has taken a toll on me.  Its taken an emotional toll and a physical toll. It has left me drained many times.  But never have I doubted God's promise to us.   While I don't believe in unicorns, I do still hunt for pixies.  Maybe this is part of what has kept me from blogging so much.  We have had so much going on, some of it so mundane and day to day that no one could possibly want to read about, and the other so exhausting that I have crawled into bed at night weeping with pain, but knowing that pain means I am alive. 

But I never claimed to only blog about unicorns and sunshine, right?

We put Bear into public school this year.  Its been a very hard last year in a half since moving from the old place.  Weeks in limbo, followed by a stint in a hotel, and then a brief respite in a apartment before being able to move into what we call our Promised Land.  I don't recall the road to the promised land being paved with flowers and ice cream cones, do you?  So why should it be any different with us.

Bear loves school by the way.  It's what we need during this season of adjusting.

Some of the things that have happened since all this started almost two years ago would have many questioning if they were doing God's will.  I wont doubt that there have been times I myself have done that, but I look around at the peaceful forest that we are trying to carve our little home out of and I see God's hand. 

 Our chickens remind me of how simple life is, how we should look to God for our salvation, not man.  This is my biggest goal for 2015, to rejoice in all things.

It could be worse.  We have health, we have a home, we have food. We have more than some.   

I have a young new friend who is just thirty-ish and the first of October she was diagnosed with breast cancer.  She has two little boys.  She is upbeat and always talking about praise and I have never heard her blame God.  It kind of makes you put things in perspective, you know?

James 1:2-4 says, "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials,  knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.  And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." 

Yes, God is alive.  He cares.  Paul in his letter to the Romans wrote, "we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance." (5:3)

And with this thought and verse in mind  I look heavenward.  I ask for perseverance and peace. 

 

A dot and tittle

Have you ever looked at yourself and seen that you were so focused on everyone else that you were neglecting yourself? 

I don't mean the good kind of focusing either, I mean the kind that finds all kinds of faults, all kinds of reason why to not do something; all kinds of reasons why that person isn't doing this and this person isn't doing that...  Making sure every dot and tittle is in place and every dot and tittle is seen for everyone; everyone but yourself. Yeah, that's me....too busy observing others to see myself.

Those things are hard to come to grips with, but even harder to admit or try to overcome.  I admit it. 

1Peter 1:22 states, "Since you have in obedience to the truth purified your souls for a sincere love of the brethren, fervently love one another from the heart."  When I look to make sure you are doing what's right all the time, neglecting my own actions, am I doing this is love?  Nope.  I can call it lots of things, but I can't pull the wool over God's eyes.

We need to remember that we can only see one side, or what someone is showing the world, we cant see their inner most fears.  in 1 Samuel the word says, "God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”  How often, as we search for all the wrong that a person might be doing, do we neglect to witness?  How many times have our own actions been a stumbling block to someone?  We can only judge the fruits.  We can only judge the fruits that are shown to us.  Too often we put our own spin on things and are left wanting.  

Dots and Tittles

Looking to make sure that everyone else is doing their job or what we think they should be doing  isn't the actions of a woman after God's heart.  Its not the actions of the woman my husband chose to marry, its not the actions of a good mother, or daughter, and it certainly isn't the actions of a child of the King.  

Its the actions of a woman with no purpose or goal.  Its the actions of a woman that has too much on her plate and not enough time.  Its the actions of a woman whose walk with Christ has not been what it should be.  And that has to change.  I want my God focus back.  I want my directional pointer to be centered on God and I want to be the woman he wants me to be.

So that's where I am.  Bearing it all open and pealing back the layers I try to hide behind.  I am not put together, I am hurting, I am seeking, and I am a child of the King.  Because I am a child of the King, I have hope.  I was given a road map, and all I have to do is open it and ask for directions.

My prayer needs this week:

To re-establish a prayer life.  I have been nagged by this lately.  I seem to find lots of little excuses to not spend the time talking with God that I should.  This MUST change.  Thank you for your prayers!

The Good, the bad, and the ugly

Someone posted a link or said they liked a post on line on Facebook.  I thought it explored an interesting concept.  It discussed a Christian's propensity to refer to everything as a blessing.   It was interesting how he described it.  Today many Christians say that everything under the sun is a blessing (and before you say anything, I contend that life itself is a blessing).  Now I am taking some liberties here, I don't know the author.  I don't know his life, so my presumptions are just that. 

I don't think he was saying we should never count all things from God as a blessing.  God himself says we can count all things blessings.  Deuteronomy 28:2 “Now it shall be, if you diligently obey the Lord your God, being careful to do all His commandments which I command you today, the Lord your God will set you high above all the nations of the earth.  All these blessings will come upon you and overtake you if you obey the Lord your God."  What are all the blessings that God promises Israel if they followed him?  We discover that later in the chapter.  I encourage you to read it.

Several verses in God's word discusses blessings.  Proverbs 28:20 "A faithful man will abound with blessings.."  Acts 13:34,  and Ephesians 1:1-3 which says, "Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God, to the saints who are at Ephesus and who are faithful in Christ Jesus:  Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ." 

I digress...  so I read his article and began to reflect upon his words there.  I do personally count my house as something God has given me.  Some might not count it as a blessing.  I can't change their attitude.  What matters is what I feel in my heart, and that is where I think we should look. We must look into our heart and discover if we truly do believe all things, good and the seemingly bad, are from God. 

When we lose a loved one, we don't see it as a blessing.  I don't think any death is a blessing, even when the person is in pain, but where I think the blessing comes into play is our attitude. Do we blame God or do we find strength and in that strength is the blessing?  I speak from experience in this.  Loss is never a something we call a blessing, but when we rely on God and pray for strength he hears our prayers and gives us peace.  That is a blessing.  

We were never promised a cake walk when we became Christians.  I think its an immature Christian that would ever believe that if you're Christian enough you reap bountiful rewards.  No, you might never reap any earthly rewards, but your blessings are in God.  You blessings from God are those you love, in your job that requires hours of toil, often back breaking labor, it maybe the fact that you have a piece of bread to eat...

None of us will have the same "blessings" as the next.  I have been told many children are a blessing from God, the presumption then is that if you have one, two, or none you somehow have failed in God's favor.  This is an unbiblical concept.  Yes children are a blessing, but they are just one kind.  Good health is a blessing, but its just one of the blessings God may give you.  If your home burns down you are not unblessed by God.  Your Christianity should never be questioned because of what you have or don't have. 

I will continue to say we view being able to work as a blessing.  I will continue to say having a home we can come home to a blessing.  I've been been through not having a home, so I know having one is a blessing.  Even when I didn't have a home, I consider myself blessed.  My family was together.   God's love and care never left us, even if some thought he did. 

Its outlook....  So it becomes more a matter of the state of your heart. This is what I have been reflecting on.

Blessed.  Count all things as blessing.  The Good, the bad, and the ugly...  Christ never said it would be a cake walk, but we have our sights set on something greater.

Where is our confidence?

To be a woman with a heart for Christ we must be confident.  We must be grounded in God's word. 

Confidence seems easy enough.  I mean, most of us are confident that we are pretty decent cooks.  Our families don't look starving.  We are pretty confident that we can do at least one thing well.  We are confident that the person we have chosen to spend the rest of our life with loves us.  We are confident that when push comes to shove, we will do whats right, even if it isn't popular.  We think we are confident in so many areas until we delve into God's word to us.  Are we confident Christians?

So what does the word confidence mean exactly?  It means to be assured, to have assurance in a belief, or have a firm trust in something.

How firm is your trust in God and his plan for your life?  

How firm and unshakeable is that trust, is it rock solid?  Or is it on shaky ground?  Jemimah  17:7 says "Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD."  In Proverbs 3:5 God tells us, "Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding."  So, how firm is your confidence in God's plan for your life?  Do you question what seems to be God's design for you and your family?  GUILTY.  I am guilty of this.  I struggle with keeping my finger out of the pie.  I'm being honest.

I am on a journey to shoring up my foundation and making sure its firm.  I admit that at times its weak. To gain the confidence I need I am discovering a few things.  I want to share them with you in the hopes that it will help you in your walk.

Your confidence will only be as strong as your source.  If you have a weak relationship with God, your source is weak.  You need to shore up your foundation!  I recognize this in me, so I speak from experience, and to become more confident in Him I am seeking out his word, reading his word, and reestablishing a prayer relationship with God. A relationship with God, just like the relationship with your spouse or friends, takes effort and work.  If we neglect those we love in life what happens?  We drift apart, and the same thing happens when we neglect our relationship with God.

Do you ever notice that when you're plugged in to God and daily reflecting and studying his word and talking with him that you hear his voice more readily?  Paul knew where his confidence came from.  In 1 Corinthians 2:4 he states this and goes on to admonish that our trust should not rest on men and the teachings of men but rather our faith should rest in God and his strength.


How can I gain confidence in God and his plan for my life?

For myself I find I must be still. This doesn't mean that I sit motionless.  To be still is to be quiet or waiting upon God.  My spirit must be still and not flitting from here to there and back again.  It needs to be still so that it can concentrate on God. 

Talking with God is important, its not a matter of finding the time, you/me must make the time. 

Reading God's word is a must.  How are we suppose to know what God wants for us if we don't delve into his love letter to us?

This is my question to you, what three areas do you honestly think needs work on in your life to strengthen your confidence in God? Work on those areas for the next  thirty days.  See if God doesn't start doing some amazing things in your life as you seek him.   At the end of thirty days revisit your confidence level, do you feel more confident in your walk?

You say you want a resolution?

On the horizon 2014 is dawning and the light of 2013 is waning quickly.  The dust hasn't yet settled but I am still revisiting some things we had hoped to accomplish in 2013.

We did indeed move, and through that move God taught us some valuable lessons.  God stood beside us and gave us strength while we traveled the road 2013 led us on.  We have been forced to work on simplifying our life.  We still have things to work on, but this last year has given us many reasons to know that the things we think we need really aren't what we need.  What's important are the people and the relationships we have. 

Bear did so much this fall toward spreading joy to others.  She really was very excited about it and when the day is done, that is where true wealth lies.  She--and all other children-- is the future.  If we instill a loving heart in our children we have indeed gained wealth; a wealth far richer than gold.

I have been giving 2014 some thought.  I wondered about the one word thing and just couldn't do it because what I really want to work on, for me personally, is to be the woman God wants me to be and to have a heart seeking after Him.   To that end I am working on a few things:

Getting my health in order.
Its not about being thin, its about being healthier and ok in my skin.    I posted about this earlier with the changes our family will be making in our eating.  I think, after years of denial, I am experiencing a few food intolerances that are creeping up on me as I get older.  I need to get a handle on these before they rob me of health completely.  If my health is better than I can focus more on what I need to do to get my heart more centered on God.

Working on the beatitudes.
The beatitudes can be found in Christ's sermon on the mount in Matthew 5:3-10.

Blessed are the poor in spirit,

    For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn,
    For they shall be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
    For they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
    For they shall be filled.
Blessed are the merciful,
    For they shall obtain mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart,
    For they shall see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
    For they shall be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake,
    For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
If I can work on this daily, I will be doing good. 

Kind of in this vein, but not entirely is my desire to begin reading a proverbs a day on every month that has 30 days.  I will start in January, even though it has 31 days because February is a short month.  I use to read my Bible daily, and had so much more peace when I did and I wish to get back to that. 

The year ahead is a clean slate.  Its up to you what you make of it.  You can forge ahead and blaze a trail all your own, or stay right where you are.  The choice is yours. 

 

 

Stumbling

Through this time in our life I have spent countless time in thought and prayer.  "Please Lord, guide our decisions,"  "Please Father God, let us do your will," and so it goes. 

My head knows that as a Christian we are never promised an easy walk, in fact its the opposite.  Trials and tribulations act like a furnace used to strengthen steel, so do the tribulations that we go through in our life....big and small.  They serve to strengthen us, and refine us, making our hearts pure and focused more fully on God.   The book of James is ripe with such words of encouragement, and yes even admonitions that we count all things as JOY.  That we find GLORY in the struggles because at the end of the day, when all seems lost and gone and the world scorns us, we can count ourselves blessed because we belong to GOD. 


But, oh this is hard to do, isn't it?

My self, or my heart, wanted everything to be easy and fall into place the way I wanted them to. 

I questioned God when things didn't fall into place like I THOUGHT it should.  I asked God the Father what did I do, what did my husband do, what could we do differently, why was this happening to US  ....  do you see a pattern?  I do, I was asking about I, ME, WE.....  Selfish!  God never said it would be easy, look to Israel in the book of Exodus.  They thought it should be like a cake walk and the minute it wasn't what did they do?  And then what happened to them as a consequence?  Yep....  Not so different today are we?  We want everything to be handed to us when we want it.  We ask God to show us His will and then we get angry when it 1) doesn't match our will or 2) takes longer to occur than WE think it should.  We speak a good word saying we want God's will, but when the rubber meets the road, we falter.  We question and second guess the very one we say we are waiting on....  yeah, patience is not something many of us have in abundance, me especially. 

Doesn't seeing that in black and white just look selfish?  Well, I was selfish.  I worried about what others would think.  I was embarrassed that as a Christian things weren't going smooth and like clock work.  I was worried more about how others would view me than really doing God's will.  I didn't think that at the time. 

In my defense (if I have any), there were contributing factors.  Some people close to our family hinting or saying that we were going against God in even coming down this road.  Like how the ease and speed that our house sold, even as we were contemplating removing it from the market, was not of God.  Constant questioning of my Hubs ability to care for his family by some was also nagging at me.  My head said "who cares as long as we are headed in the direction that God has us going", but my selfish side worried; worried not that we weren't going in God's direction so much as worried what others would think. 

In James 3 we also read about the self seeking heart.  Verse 16 in the King James version reads, "For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there."  What James is telling us is to yield to God's will and seek His wisdom.  The book of James really asks us to look at our lives, our own hearts.  Considering the book of James I can't help but do this.  In Bible class we were recently asked to name some favorite books of the Bible, in hindsight James would be listed near the front.  As much as it pains one to admit they need a cleanse, James admonishes us to do just that.  What's the point of a health cleanse without a heart cleanse as well? 

I am not sure that I have conquered this, but I am trying and praying that God gives me the strength as we open this new book.  I am praying that I leave it all in His capable hands, and let him guide us and my husband. 

Next Friday I share about one of the lowest times through this time and how our life as we know it was only saved through God's grace and love.

 

 

Acceptance

Acceptance that I struggle with waiting. 

Acceptance that what I desire isn't in God's plan right now. 

Acceptance that we are who we are and we don't need to live up to the standards of others. 

Acceptance that I look like what I look like, if you don't like it, don't look. Sometimes its the "Square Pumpkin" that saves the day.

Acceptance that I come from where I come from and my experiences have been mine alone.  I own them and I accept that.  I welcome the fact that my experiences have created the person I am.  I wouldn't be a Christian with out them.  I have not always been a Christian, in fact much of my life I was not one. 

I guess the point is that we constantly are growing.  No matter what, we grow.  We can grow in the direction of the light, or not.  When we look at plants we can see what direction provides better for the needs of the plant.  The plant seeks the light, and so do I.  If you don't like it and think I am too "preachy" you have another option you know, if you can't accept me for who I am. 

This journey I have been on has been a long one.  It's sure to continue for the foreseeable future, and I accept that.  In fact, I welcome it!  The alternative is to hard to contemplate.  It would surely hurt my head. 

Friday I plan to talk about how I have struggled and questioned recently.  Not questioned the existence of God, but rather His purpose for me. 

Enduring Promise

I'd be a liar if I told you that this has been a FANTASTIC year.  That it has been a year of SUCESS and BLISS.  You would see  right through me.  I know you would.

This last seven months has taken a toll on me.  Its taken an emotional toll and a physical toll. It has left me drained during the times of despair.  I would be lying if I said I never looked up at God and said, "WHAT'S GOING ON?"  I have. I am human, like you.  I am not some mommy blogger that just talks about sunshine and roses.  I ran out of my "pixie dust" a long time ago, and Annie never really was a favorite of mine. 

Yep, I have had some real low periods the past seven plus months. 

I am someone who just likes to know what to expect.  It doesn't have to be sun shine and rainbows, but I do like to know where I am going to be next week.  Its who I am and how I work.  I stepped out in what I thought was faith, but our faith was not really in the place it should be.  We put our trust in men; people that we paid to keep an eye on us, our investment, our family.  You all know where that put us, right?  Smack dab in Motel 6 for almost 7 weeks, and not trusting God enough at times.    Sadly, a little late in the game, the blinders were removed and we began to pray with earnestness to God for forgiveness, faith to endure mostly, and to remain steadfast...always seeking his face and having ears that hear his word and eyes to see the truth and his will. 

I tried to remain positive and upbeat, but many times I felt anything but... so my heart wasn't where it should be..........

My mind would think of the book of James, and has been for a few weeks now.  I felt like we were passing through a Job phase in our lives... so my mind would  drift to James.  How he wrote to people 2000 plus years ago going through the SAME EXACT THINGS WE ARE TODAY (and worse).

James 1:2-4 says, "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials,  knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.  And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." 

This is the first of several blog posts.{alas, yes, you will hear more from me...} Maybe through it, I can learn more, and hopefully share how God, even when the fear raised its ugly head, kept the situation in check.  How he provided when I was uncertain we could make it from week to week, and how he sent angles into the midst of our family to love on us and give us encouragement.  Yes, he used people who don't even believe in him...  God works to good for those that love him. 

Yes, God is alive.  He cares.  Paul in his letter to the Romans wrote, "we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance." (5:3) This is what I am doing, and trying my best to always do.  I am exulting, while the naysayers ask me what I have done, or why is "my God" doing this to our family; trying to tempt my faith and shake the ground I am standing on.  Even some are praying for us to fail and fail miserably: but.... MY GOD IS GREAT AND AWESOME. 

I know the end is not yet upon us, but we have found a temporary place to live.  God has blessed us in this.  He is awesome.  Where I am weak, he protects and leads others to me that encourage me. 

I will soon, I promise, share more of what our Summer and Autumn has been like, not in an effort to complain, but rather to show how God has really been here for us through some personal trials and tribulations, yes they have been many (God is teaching me to endure and have patience!).  He has never forsaken our little family; we begged for the cup to be taken from us, but we need to live this to learn to endure and rely on him.  He has protected and provided in so many ways. Maybe, through writing about it, I will grow and perhaps share with someone else going through a time of hardship as well. 

A Psalm of strength

Psalm 37

Allowing a reflection during this time of trial.  Giving strength during this time of tribulation. 

I have been envious toward those doing perceived wrongs toward me. I have looked at people and complained that they have not worked as diligently as they should as they sit in comfortable homes.  It has really and truly ruled many of my waking moments, and if this is the case, am I really doing what God wants?

I have been fretful, a lot....  Job didn't fret when all sorts of calamity hit him. He hunkered down, and praised God.  WOW....  I am not worthy.  I have not been as Job.  I have questioned.  I have had fear.  I have worried.  I have......... failed.  Point blank.  I have failed. 

God cares and loves us.  If he cares for the sparrow why would he not care more for us? In Matthew 10:29-31 we are told that even the hairs on our head are numbered and that God does indeed care for us, and what becomes us.  Luke 12:24 says, "Consider the ravens, for they neither sow nor reap; they have no storeroom nor barn, and yet God feeds them; how much more valuable you are than the birds."   

Now I am not saying that God doesn't tell us to prepare and store....  There are instances in the Bible where we are told to do exactly that.  What I am saying is that we are to not let the worry rule us and take control.  The stress from the worry is debilitating.  It hurts our physical and emotional health. 

When we are anxious about things of this world, even  things that are needs, we lose our focus on God.  Fear and anxiety must not rule the day.  When we think about the might happens, could happens, and should happens of things to come we carry burdens that are God's domain.  Please Father, take these worries from me.

Children understand this.  My daughter quietly shared with me as we looked at a post of daily encouragement on another blog how God made the cardinals and takes care of them, so we don't need to worry.  Simple words and simple truths from the lips of a child.  God provides for us, if we allow him to. 

Allow me to share much of Psalm 37 with you my gentle friends.

Do not fret because of evildoers,
            Be not envious toward wrongdoers.
For they will wither quickly like the grass
            And fade like the green herb.
Trust in the LORD and do good.
            Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.
Delight yourself in the LORD;
            And He will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the LORD,
            Trust also in Him, and He will do it.
He will bring forth your righteousness as the light
            And your judgment as the noonday.
Rest in the LORD and wait patiently for Him;
            Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way,
            Because of the man who carries out wicked schemes.
Cease from anger and forsake wrath;
            Do not fret; it leads only to evildoing.
For evildoers will be cut off,
            But those who wait for the LORD, they will inherit the land.
Yet a little while and the wicked man will be no more;
            And you will look carefully for his place and he will not be there.
But the humble will inherit the land
            And will delight themselves in abundant prosperity.
The wicked plots against the righteous
            And gnashes at him with his teeth.
The Lord laughs at him,
            For He sees his day is coming.
The wicked have drawn the sword and bent their bow
            To cast down the afflicted and the needy,
            To slay those who are upright in conduct.
Their sword will enter their own heart,
            And their bows will be broken.
Better is the little of the righteous
            Than the abundance of many wicked.
For the arms of the wicked will be broken,
            But the LORD sustains the righteous.
The LORD knows the days of the blameless,
            And their inheritance will be forever........

and it goes on to say.....

The steps of a man are established by the LORD,
            And He delights in his way.
When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong,
            Because the LORD is the One who holds his hand.
I have been young and now I am old,
            Yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken
            Or his descendants begging bread.
All day long he is gracious and lends,
            And his descendants are a blessing.
Depart from evil and do good,
            So you will abide forever.

This Psalm of David is full of wisdom and encouragement for each and every one of us.

 

Yes Father, encourage me to delight in you always.  Guide me to do your will Father.  Give me strength Father, and hold my hand while I travel in this valley.  I know you will never forsake me.  I ask this Father, and pray this, in your Son's name.

 

 

Pride before the fall

Its been a while.  Yep.....  a long while.  Life has been so full lately that I haven't had the "heart" to blog.  I feel like I have nothing to say, without sounding forlorn, and I don't want to do that.

God has been good to us.  He really has.  When we get into our house it will be awesome, and I know this.  We are getting a rockin' deal; space to spread ourselves a bit.  This two or three month trial will make it all the more worth it, I know this.  Just as I know this has to be what God wants.  I am giving Him the glory.  It has been a trial and I haven't always been cheerful and full of patience.  We all know patience is not my strong suit anyway.  I am trying, but fail.  Please Brother Randy; please know that I am trying hard to be full of faith.  I am.  I am trying very hard to wait upon the Lord in all things.  I am not without hope, God is my hope....  I just really, really wish He worked in my timing! 

So I struggle with this aspect of my Christian walk.  I struggle with waiting for God to work.  The minute I think I have learned and I am doing ok, God says "let's see if you really are at a place where you can pat yourself on the back...." 

 

Wake up call time....  I have not arrived yet, so I can get off my high horse or be bucked off.  I am still a struggling sinner.

 

My heart is tired.  I am weary.  I am tired of waiting, and this is my problem.  I lack patience and this is my greatest fault.  I lack patience to wait upon God and to wait for Him to work.  I am tired and unable to do this, and am now where I have no where else to turn but to the embrace of God, but its hard to humble myself.  I am in need of the prayers of other Christians.   I have too much pride, and God is trying to teach me that my pride will keep getting in my way until I turn it over to Him.   

 

Thank you for hanging with me. 



 

 



Thankful Surprises...

Here is some coffee to start your day off right!

 

God has a very profound way of letting us know He provides and take great care in our needs.  GREAT CARE.  

I could list off the things God has done in the past four or five days that is truly beyond what we imagined, but time would fail me.  Yes, there has been a lot of trials, but He has worked those through in His time when we have had to lean on Him and not our own selves.

I have made a few decisions this summer.  In September I will begin my 3 in 30 challenges again.  This is a thankful reminder that I need to keep things simple and give God room to work.

I am thankful for the wonderful Bible study we have been having the past few Wednesday evenings.  We have been discussing prayer and the importance of a prayer life/relationship.  I plan to share some of the insights here as time goes by.  I have been convicted of the need for a better prayer life for me, and to show the importance of it to my daughter. 

Alexis, Hubs and Bear's cousin, had a lump return to her leg -- as you recall last year about this time it was discovered that she had a cancerous tumor on her leg.  They removed it all but couldn't promise it wouldn't return.  When she had the lump return, of course we were concerned; as were her doctors.  The family spent a week of uncertainty and then got the good news that the surgeons and doctors believe it is just a stitch that didn't dissolve correctly.  This is an answered prayer.  Such a tough and brave little girl.  Her family has been through a lot this year and our prayers continue. 

So amidst trials, deaths of a dear sister in Christ, loss of a beloved pet, and uncertainty we see reasons for rejoicing!

Patience

God is teaching me patience.  I fail, but He still is trying to get me to have it.

We are still not in our new house.  I guess its only been 30 days since our bid was accepted, but it seems like twice as long.  We have been out of our old home for almost a month and the waiting has been unbearable!  Oh the patience.... 

 I just want to get in, get our stuff in, and get going on with our lives.  We have been in a limbo.  I don't think I will ever do this again.  *sigh*  Patience Kim, Patience.....

I am dreaming of how I will set up our spaces.  Bear needs to be in a stable environment as well, with space to play.  Oh how sad I sound....  I know with all my being how blessed we are and how I need to use this time for better things....

So I plod along, praying that tomorrow we will have good news that we will be signing on our new home.  Praying that the patience I so need comes swiftly.  That I wait upon the Lord for all things without putting my finger in the pie.

Life will resume, we will look back on this time as a learning adventure.  It shall pass. I am learning...  I am growing....  Yes, it will pass as I wait upon God.

 

 

 

Beautiful Feet...

No way, no how, did I think I would be writing another post like this so soon.  My heart is literally torn today and I am weak with emotion.  Today my Church family has lost a dear sister in Christ.  For our church, losing one member is like losing a family member.  Orchard Street Church of Christ is small, and very family orientated.  You are made welcome and can feel the love the minute you walk through the door.

But this isn't why Connie Walden's passing  is so strongly felt.  It is of course, because she was a much loved and valued member of the ecclesia,  however to stop there with why her passing is difficult would be overlooking her as a woman and Christian sister.

Sister, you were a light for Christ.  As a fellow blogger, the best way I feel like I can share you with the world is by writing about you. 

Connie, you always answered hard Biblical questions, with frankness and truth.  The answers might not have always been all warm and fuzzy, but I could certainly see where you came from.  I may have balked at hearing them at first, but thank you my friend for standing up and saying the truths.  God isn't politically correct.  You knew that, and encouraged others to stand for TRUTH, despite society, nay in the face of society.  Your strength and faith always amazed me.  Hubs and I were talking about you and Randy and how much we loved you both just Sunday afternoon.  Sister, I wish I could have spent more time with you, getting to know you rather than letting life intervene and get in the way. 

Recently Connie, a poet for God, wrote this poem that I am sharing here.  You can read more of her studies and poems on her blog, SoulAppeal Bible Studies. 

Jesus Is A Friend

Jesus is a Friend of mine.
He's here in Spirit all the time.

He'll never leave or let me go.
He is a Friend I'm glad to know.

He is my Shepherd
I'm His sheep.

 

My Hope and Strength
when I am weak.

The Lighted Way,
the Open Door.

My Lord and King
forevermore.

Constance V. Walden
"There is a Friend who sticks closer than a brother." Proverbs 18:24

 

I know the greatest desire Connie had was for all to come to Christ and look upon Him as their savior.  I have great peace knowing in my heart that dear sister Connie is with God.  As the verse in  2 Timothy says Connie fought the good fight and kept the faith.  She had beautiful feet.  I wanted to tell her this one time not to long ago, but I thought it might sound funny.  I wish now that I had.

 

 

 

As I have had to say to often in my life; Connie is now where there is no pain.  She is in glory and I imagine her smiling while the angels gently took her hand.  Please keep her husband, daughter, and granddaughter (as well as all her family and loved ones) in prayers whenever you think of them.  Right now is the time for those of us left behind to raise them up in prayer for strength.  May God give them great comfort and peace beneath His sheltering wings. 

 

Randy and Brandi, we love you both and our prayers are with you and the rest of the family during this time of sorrow and in the weeks, months and years to come.  May God bless you with comfort beyond understanding during this most trying of times.  We love you.

 





 

Give Thanks in ALL!

Reposted from July 12, 2012

We are in the process of getting into a new home.  I am reposting a few past posts that are meaningful still today.  Thank you Gentle Friends.

Even when times are bad.....  Yep, even when the times are bad we are to give thanks and that's when it helps the most to think about some of the blessings (even when they don't seem like it at the time) we have been given.

Each petal was lovingly
thought and designed by God...
so the same is true of every
 aspect of our lives.

I was recently invited out and because I have made a promise to myself to try to be real, to edify more, etc.,  didn't even feel bad truning them down.  Two months ago I would have jumped all over myself to be included, hungering so much for whatever friendship people were throwing my way, and now I'm not.  I am worthy of true friends, that care about me, want to spend time with me and seek God!  Thank you Lord!

Ok, even though the city has ticked me off, it has speeded up our efforts to do some things around here, so I will count that as a blessing.  The Dandelion Menace, while still present, is slowly slipping away, for the most part.  *grin*  We kinda like them so will never be completely rid of them.

A network of blogging buddies who are helping me to keep on track for my June goal of two posts a week  (this doesn't really count). 

My little girl for the giggles she provides.  I mean who can not giggle when she tells a funny to her tale!?  I admire her imagination and creativity.

My husband, as always, for putting up with me as I struggle with the day in day out pains.  But even the pain I am thankful for.  It means I have been granted more time to be refined!  Thank you God, the Father and CREATOR of ALL things.

I will be glad and rejoice in your love, for you saw my affliction
and knew the anguish of my soul. 
Psalm 31:7

Burnout...

I think I am approaching a burnout.  This move has got me stressed, tired, anxious, and my patience is wearing thin with everyone....  real fast.  Do you have days like that?  Seasons in your life?

Thursday, July 11th, is most likely the last night we will be spending in our home.  I am missing it already.  My heart is aching, even while I am looking forward with hope and excitement.  Its an unknown feeling, to be leaving a much beloved home and charging into unknown waters....  at least we have a life vest....  Christ!

We thought we had a new house already, but....  inspections are a must in this day and age.  There were a lot of hidden issues that when you add those to the problems we knew about added up to more than we could stomach.  Friday we will bid on another house and hoping and praying we will win the bid/offer on this house.  The market is a sellers market, and interest rates are on the rise.  Just pray for us and our little family.  Grammy is needing to be with us more each day. 

God has a place for us.  I know it.  He has plans for us.  I know it.  He will take care of us.  I know this as well.  I am not doubting Him in the least; I am accepting but I am also very tired.  Moving is very hard.  Its stressful.  Bear is constantly asking, "when will we have fun?"  I want to have fun, and I am so wiped out fun to me is getting into bed and pulling the covers up over my face! I am hoping we will have a bit of down time soon.  We all need it.  The past 4-5 months of preparing ourselves for this has been stressful on each of us. 

God has such a powerful way of making sure I know that I must lean on Him.  That I must do my part in the process as well. 

Thus tonight I am posting this and asking for prayers,  prayers for peace and strength (both physical and emotional) to get through this and for the new home that God has for us to be seen by us and for our peace in what He has in store.  In the meantime, we are packing, renting a garage, a truck and leaving our long beloved home....  charging into the unknown and waiting with expectant hearts for God's time and His will to be done.

Have a good evening gentle friends.

A Jar full of Faith

This year a first happened.  While at Fort Lawton in Seattle we were approached by a woman  (she might have been approaching 60).  She needed to share and feel companionship, even if it was with strangers, for a few moments.  The quietness of a cemetery can do that.  It can connect total strangers. She was remembering her solider, a man she never met but adopted.  Through her adoption she learned about him, talked with those who knew him and loved him.  She kept his memory alive.

Perhaps she felt some sort of kinship and safety with approaching and talking with a family all adorned with "Warning:  Unsocialized Homeschooler" t-shirts.  She chatted for a while about a pilgrimage she had made to Vietnam recently, and the sight and sounds of a nation still living with the affects of the war today, more than a generation later.  Then the conversation switched to her remembering a man she didn't even know.  He was from her hometown; a small town in Alabama.  She shared how he died the year she was on her highschool year book staff.  She told us that he was the only person in her small town that died in the war, and how his death touched her; A young man she didn't know really, but her heart mourned and gave thanks for his sacrifice nonetheless. 

We chatted for a while, listening to the birds, wondering when the rain would come...  speaking in quiet tones.  Hearts full of our own remembrances. 

Bear shared that the grave we were chatting in front of was her grandfather.  Bear talks as if she knew him; sadly she never met him.  Neither have I, he died when Hubs was a teenager.  Hubs shared a little about his father's time in Vietnam; how he made audio tapes for his mother and him.  It made me wonder about my own father's time there.  So many went and gave their all.  It was good to hear Hubs talk of his father and remember what a good man he was.

The mystery lady eventually said she wanted to share a story of "her soldier" with us (I have elaborated a bit...). 

I am calling this story a Jar Full of Faith.

The soldier grew up in Alabama.  He grew up in a small town surrounded by woods, deer, squirrels, and the freedom to roam.  It was an idyllic boyhood for an all American boy.  When he turned 18 he enlisted, ready to fight for his country, Lady Liberty, and apple pie.  Little did he realize that Lady Liberty would send him thousands of miles away from his beloved Alabama, in fact she would send him all the way to Vietnam.  Before he got the order for 'Nam, he didn't even know where it was on a map.  The jungles of Vietnam were a far cry from the woods of Alabama. Oh how he missed his beloved woods, creek bed, and even the coons held a dear place in his heart. 

His mother loved him.  He was her son, her baby boy.  He was so far away.  What was a mother to do.  Was he eating right?  Was he saying his prayers at night?  His letters were full of longing for home, and her eyes got misty just thinking about her baby boy sitting in some dank hole writing in the waning twilight...  What could she do, so far away?

He loved venison, more than any other food from home it was the sweet meat of his woods he missed most.  His mother knew this, as only a mother's heart can know.  There was only one thing she could do.  Out of the cupboard came the jar.  Into the jar was loving prepared the best cut of venison.  Her special gravy filled the gaps.  Home town newsprint cushioned and caressed the glass.  Her friends said she was crazy, but a Mother's heart knows.  A Mother's heart has faith. 

God's will and a mother's heartfelt prayer was all she said was needed when her friends questioned her resolve.   Her neighbor asked her if she knew where Vietnam was...  She replied that she didn't know for sure, her "Rand McNally world atlas was old and missing some pages," but she figured it was further than Hawaii.  The neighbor said "it surely was, and the jar, even as cushioned as it was, couldn't possibly make it."  He called her a fool, and she smiled.  "God loves the fools too," she said.  Her heart never doubted.  Her heart never wavered.  A mother's heart doesn't.  A Mother's heart loves faith, it lives in faith.

To the post office she went, her package lovingly prepared, lovingly wrapped, for her baby son so far away.   

In Vietnam her son, with trembling hands unwrapped his mother's gift, gently folding the newsprint to read later.  It would be passed from soldier to soldier before falling apart, a treasured gift from home.  What lay, caressed in the paper's folds was a glass jar of venison with Mom's venison gravy.  This jar, this miracle and a testament to faith, was unsplintered, untarnished, whole, and complete; a gift ready to be shared and enjoyed.  A mother's jar of love traveling thousands of miles and across the ocean to show a band of soldiers the power of faith and love.  That night the men feasted on venison and gave thanks, remembering one mother's faith. 

The solider died on the battlefield in central Vietnam... But this story is about faith, and how faith can overcome the world. 

Thank you to the men and women who have served and are serving.  Thank you to their families who keep the faith and send the jars.  May God bless you.

I don't like you....

I have a confession to make.  As a Christian I have a struggle I am loath to admit to; there are some people I just don't like (this is different than not loving or caring) and things about them just rub me wrong, or get on my nerves.  Its not that they're bad people, because they aren't.  I have never seen them be anything but friendly.  Yet, I struggle, because they have a certain habit or trait that just drives me batty. So I struggle.  Sometimes it lays real heavy on my heart.  Like the past couple months....

One of the biggest pet peeves I have are people that "name drop"...  By this I mean people that talk about who they know, what they make, what they do.... How great they are or the great things they have done...  There, you see, its just something that bugs me.  No biggie really, except when it makes me not want to be around them and its extra hard if they are a brother or sister.  Yep....  That's where the rubber meet the road. 

So am I commanded to LIKE my brethren?

In 2 Peter 3:9 (NAS) we can read "The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance."  This is the longsuffering verse.  God is patient toward us.   If God is patient with us and all our myriad of horrible sins, should I not just count this as a difference of personality and move on?  It's not a salvational issue.  By doing this am I forcing myself to like the action?  Should I confront someone based on a pet peeve?  My heart says no.  It's more of an issue I must work on within my self.  Thus, onward I go..... 

I am looking at some Biblical verses and discovering I could fall into this category, perhaps just by being upset with a haughty personality.  By being peeved am I any better than they?  No....  not really. 

Pride goes before destruction, And a haughty spirit before stumbling.  Prov.  16:18

Before destruction the heart of man is haughty, But humility goes before honor.  Prov. 18:12

So what is meant by being haughty?  Its as old as the dawn of time.  Adam and Eve thought they could do as they pleased and found out they couldn't.  Cain thought he could offer up a sacrifice of his own choosing and that God would be pleased with anything.  Abel offered up his best to God, Cain did not.  This led to Cain killing Abel.  Being haughty is being prideful. and that is something all the previously mentioned people possessed.  Something we ALL possess, sadly.  In Proverbs 18 it says that we should strive to be humble.  Not boasting about our deeds and exploits.  We aren't to think that because we did, or do XYZ, that we are somehow better than our brethren; We are not to go around tooting our own horn to bring glory upon ourselves.  All the glory goes to God the Father.

Pride (haughtiness) is a struggle of Godly people.  1 Corn. 13:3-5 says, "And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.  Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act  unbecomingly;  it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered..."  and 1 John 2:16 (and 17 as well) "For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world."

We all can fall prey to this idea of haughtiness.  We all have and do succumb at some point in our lives.  Romans 12:3 says, "For through the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think more highly of himself than he ought to think..."  In fact, while looking at these verses I see I fall very short.  Maybe I don't verbalize things all the time, but the inkling in my heart counts as well.  Is it some sort of pride which makes me batty over someone's perceived haughtiness?  To be 100% honest, I think it could be argued that it is....  so there it is, in black and white.   

We need to MUST guard against haughtiness in our selves.  In ALL aspects of our lives, not just in dealing with those we view as "good enough"... we need to guard our minds and our spirits.  We need to treat everyone with respect and be humble in spirit, but STRONG for God.  We need to not brag, but also to look with more kindness on everyone, knowing that God looks with kindness on those who are called by His name.  Love doesn't dwell on a wrong suffered, or a perceived wrong suffered; Love dwells on the fertile fields of hope and patience.  Love overlooks a myriad of things, forgives much, and rejoices often.

I may love you.... but it may mean that for my own walk that being friends might just make me stumble.  I am still learning and working on this, the potter isn't done yet.

I would love your thoughts on this.

If you have time please visit Connie over at Gifted by the spirit for some spirit gifted and thought provoking poetry.

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Teacher's of Good Things...