Coming to terms

I don't like life being uncertain.  I can't thrive like that.  However I know that God is leading me to rely on him, ALWAYS.  I am trying. 

I have been thinking-- and really it's along the lines of what I have been thinking for months and months--sometimes me thinking is good sometimes not the wisest course of action  but anyway, I have been thinking about our life, a lot.....

If nothing else, being without a home for all these weeks has forced us to revaluate completely.  What do we really need in life?  How can you focus more on what's really important? 

I am reading books for enjoyment again, reading more to Bear.  We are getting outside to see the world God created more and more....  So there are silver linings to all this waiting.  We are trying ,very much ,to not be weary.

 The point is, we need to live simpler lives. Let me say that again.  We NEED to live simplier lives.  We need to as a family, as a society even.   Think about it, we have all these high-tec gadgets, even low-tech gadgets and we are busier and more stressed then ever.  I was reading on Manage Your Life Now that the causes of stress today "emerge from the too many obligations" that we have to juggle, every single day.  Not only do we have to juggle them, our kids have to.  Our children are starting their lives stressed.  Childhood and its play and exploration has been replaced by structured activities.  When we expect 5 or 6 year olds to act like Mom and Dad we force expectations on them that we never had as children.  I wasn't whisked off to play dates 3 or 4 days a week, were you?  I wasn't put in camps every week of the summer, were you?  I wasn't in structured sports at 4, yet we have 2 and 3 year olds doing these things and it can't be good.  I speak as a mom that has done this.  I have been driving from activity to activity myself, doing business on the cell phone and throwing McDonald lunches at my daughter because we are rushing from one thing to another. 

Getting a bigger house to manage all our junk is not the key to living more simply, or rather more God focused and directed.   Try as we might, without first focusing where we should we will never find that elusive key, and that key is everything. 
 

I feel guilty because we are still in limbo, but you know, we are learning.  Bear is picking up words right and left, and happily doing copy work a few days a week as well.   God is showing us the key to a  simpler and calmer (quieter) life.  Its a time of encouraging my faith, and showing me what is  key and important.  Its not fancy houses, fancy clothes, flittering from one activity to another, but rather living more in tuned with God our father in heaven. 

 

So my challenge to you:  Give up some outside activities and give yourself and your family time to just be......Think and Believe and it shall BE!

Hindsight

Never in a million years did I figure my little old post yesterday (Parent.. ) would grab so much attention.  By 5:00 PM I had nearly 250 visits from people, for you big bloggers that's a drop in the bucket, but for me, well wow!  

First off, I was not judging anyone that believes large families are the best way, just that God makes all family sizes, and family size has nothing to do with how much God loves you.  Secondly, if you aren't a Christian obviously nothing I said about teaching God and Christian principles applies to you.   You raise your children how you see fit.  I have never hidden that we are Christians, and my posts are written from a Christian perspective.  I will not make my blog bland and hide my light under a bushel so I don't offend someone with my Christian perspective...  My blog is my journal, its where I write my thoughts, what we do, how we do it, my hopes, dreams, and struggles.  Looking for the rainbows when its raining.  God always sends a rainbow (hope).  Writing here helps me to work through things, looking for that rainbow.

Somehow in the fray of the Duggar's and my writing from a Christian perspective the whole thing of what makes a good parent got lost. 

When I told a friend her thread on the Duggar family prompted a post from me, neither of us were likely prepared for my end thoughts.  I set out not really caring for them-- letting past experiences cloud my judgment, but by the end of my post I felt that they had the right to have the family they wanted as much as I do, God did not command a certain family size, just that we raise them to know Him.  I have seen large families that don't function well and I have seen small families that don't function well.  The Duggar's may well be the exception.  By all appearances they are.  Do I have questions?  Yes;  I think everyone does and that's why they are on TV. 

So, on that note....  If you are a new reader, I hope you stick around.  If you are a long time follower, thank you for your understanding heart.   We all have a garden to tend and how we treat each other gives insight into how we tend our garden.  Ultimately I want to be a kind loving person, who uses Christ as her example.  Do I fail?  Yes.  The potter is still molding me.   I rejoice in knowing I am His, and our family was built upon His cornerstone. 

 

A little tending....

For new readers to get to know us a bit better.....

Please introduce yourself.

I’m Kim.  I have been tending my garden for 8 years.  The hubs and I have one spunky little adventure girl who is 5.  Bear is our joy and why we have taken this journey and the path we are on.  We also are the long time parents to one loveable fur baby, Ollie.

What is your typical day like?

Our typical day begins at about 8 am when Bear rolls out of bed.  We spend time playing, cooking together, reading together, watching a few select TV programs and learning how to be polite and kind to others (i.e., manners).  Our big focus this past year in what is typically called Preschool has been manners and learning more about sharing and why we need to listen better.

Generally the Hubs handles Bible study, but we haven’t been as formal as I would like with this area.  I plan to be more formal (as formal as I can) this next year.  This means more daily devotionals and more Bible stories during the day time hours.  Still pretty loose.  I do plan to use the felt board though. 

Bear has asked to learn to read and so we are starting with some simple things and "Bob" books.  Right now we are still focusing on letters and sounds and how they make words.  We color a lot and dig in the dirt daily, especially now that summer weather has arrived, although even with our rainy weather we bundle up and head outside even when it is rainy with a typical Northwest winter pattern.  I think in terms of teaching the “whole child” and our subjects just really intermingle now.  I can’t keep them separate.  I suppose as Bear gets older things will change and become less hands on as her interests change and grow, but I don’t see this happening now or in the foreseeable future.

What do you call your homeschool method? Is it unschooly?

I think we have (ok, read I) been dragged into child led learning kicking and screaming, well not literally but it isn’t what I envisioned when we decided to homeschool Bear at two years old.  I envisioned an area with a desk, structured learning routines … well, a school experience at home.  It started last year at just 4 when I tried work sheets with my daughter.  Before this the only experience I had with the term unschool was negative.  Growing has a way of changing how you see things though. 

We homeschool differently. I like to say we (and I think most homeschoolers if they sit down and look at it this way) are somewhere on a homeschool spectrum. We are not 100% “unschool” but nor are we 100% school at home. I would guess that we are somewhere, thus far, in the middle, between 50 and 60 percent. It can change daily, and I expect it will change as Bear gets older. I really feel like we are more child led than anything else, labels never really work well, and I tend to not like putting them on.

I see “unschool” as child led and hands on and we parents are the facilitators of education or learning.  In our home we will continue to loosely follow some schedule and routine, because we need this in our family and Bear functions better having some sameness during the day.  Frankly I work best that way as well.   All spring we toyed with joining an ALE (Alternative Learning Environment) but the more we learn[ed] the more we know in our heart that it isn’t us.  We need the freedom and flexibility, and despite what some might attempt to make us think, we are 100% capable of teaching our child. 

No one knows what the future brings, but right now our future is a child led/hands on education learning environment, and this just more closely relates to unschooling.   

Both my husband and I were educated in a brick and mortar school building.  Bear has never even been in daycare much less a brick and mortar school building.  I don’t think more highly of myself because we have chosen to homeschool, or with the method we have chosen to use.  I think it can be different for each child as well.  Maybe child one is very unstructured, even from birth and child two not only wants but literally craves structure of some sort and a routine.  So many “unschoolers” could go completely the other way and ignore that child, which craves structure and routine, catering 100% to the child that is very flexible and shows the epitome of the unschool definition.  If this happens are you any better than the parent that you scorn?  I know that we will change as we grow.

I know that parenthood is hard, and judging another parent for whatever choices they make in educating their children is pointless and destructive.  I don’t believe that God put me on this earth to be destructive towards moms and dads.  We each have different paths we must follow because each of our children are unique and a special treasure to God. 

What are some of the benefits of child led that you have seen?

Flexibility and going with the interests that our child has is a big plus.  We find activities based on her interests and plan activities that seem like they will interest her.  Often times the activities promote or show a new concept and the biggest thing that has surprised me the most, the fun I have learning right beside her.  I am not just pulling out a premade curriculum and teaching from work sheets but we are hands on learning.  This might work great for some though and some kids may really crave and need this.  I say you use whatever works and really what we do is what works with our child and her learning strengths. 

Favorite definition of unschooling:

Earl Stevens wrote in an “Unschooling Unmanual” (see my review here):   “Unschooling does not mean that parents can never teach anything to their children, or that children should learn about life entirely on their own without the help and guidance of their parents.  Unschooling does not mean that parents give up active participation in the education and development of their children and simply hope that something good will happen.”  If more people would understand this, there would be less negative stigmas on people who do label themselves as “unschoolers”.  We are facilitators of our children’s learning experience. 

Tend your gardens well my gentle friends.

On July 18 We linked up with What Works Wednesday: 

A Break Through ?

Or is she just growing exactly as she is suppose to grow; the exact way God made her?

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord.

“They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

Jeremiah 29:11

I have been wondering, more often than I should, about Bear's lack of drawing to represent items and people.  I have tried to understand the importance of letting her progress naturally, but was really beginning to think we needed to sit down together for drawing lesson time.  I faced this with some trepidation as I think stifling her and forcing her to do things before she is ready can cause more harm than good when it comes to things like this. 

She has scribbled often and has sometimes told me her scribbles represent some item of keen interest to her, but never has she actually drawn what could be rightly called a figure or picture, but I have lovingly encouraged her scribbles and have accepted her word for what they represent in her world.  I have always held the belief that art is not coloring in a coloring book or doing a craft project, though those are very important.  I guess I have felt art is more. Frankly, the picture of her and I walking in the park has looked exactly like the pink unicorn picture, but who am I to judge. *smile*  I have always maintained a philosophy much like Picasso’s, that it’s only in adulthood that we lose our ability to be artists or to put it another way, as we get older society tells us what art is and what it means to us.  Shouldn’t it be the other way around?

Yet, my resolve has wavered.  Children her age or younger drawing actual figures has discouraged me and made me question if I should be sitting her down and “teaching” her how to draw or make her copy some figure I draw.   Yet the natural way we have approached so much in our journey has had better outcomes and less frustration on all levels.  This week we have been experiencing what I will call break through week.  Much like child led potty training, she is now seen, and often, drawing what many of her peers have, yet I have allowed her to creatively reach this milestone on her own terms.  I have no fears that she will “catch up” and perhaps even surpass on her own terms and in her own time, having not be taught into this new stage, but allowed to flow, naturally; that being said I am excited that we are well within the pre-schematic stage.  *smile*

Bear said this was her wearing
 her favorite shirt

Once again, my child has shown me about God; that waiting upon Him and His perfect timing for everything is much more in keeping with what He wishes for each of us.  I could have rushed the process, taken away her freedom of exploration and desire to draw at every turn, but I stifled the desire and worry long enough to let God work in His time.  She isn't slow or behind, she is perfect just the way she is.

I have read that the "perfect" supplies to have easily accessed for children at an early age are paper and black crayons, thick ones. As far as paints, I tried finger paints but Bear wanted to use the tools used by the rest of us, so paint brushes were introduced very young.  Just the cheap ones from the dollar bin at Michael's, and she was in seventh heaven.  We also always have play dough and/or clay within easy access, though I sometimes put it on timeout when it hasn't been taken care of properly. 

I know this will not be popular, (I don't mean to step on any toes) but I certainly wonder about three and four years old producing the same quality of work as a seven or eight year old.  Are they producing for the act of producing or is the art a process of their own creation?  Our world is so bent on making our children grow up and calling every child gifted that it tends to be insane.  Yes some children are gifted and playing beautifully at eight and composing their own music or bright at Mathematics at ten and ready to enter MIT, but those children are the exceptions not the rule.  I find many parents today competing about how bright their child is and neglecting to see to it that their child does his or her most important job, be a kid and play.  Build with sticks, throw mud at a brick wall, spray water in the air and watch it fall, make rainbows with chalk on the sidewalk, and make leaf sandwiches to share at their pretend picnic.  We have forgotten what really makes our kids unique and individuals. 

How about we make a pact today to let our kids be kids and experience childhood the way it was meant to be;  Like it was before cable television, computer games, and ipads.

Top Ten Ways to be "At Peace"

In this wild ride we are on. 

Sometimes being "at peace" can be difficult to attain.  At least for me.  My question is, WHAT DO YOU DO TO BE "AT PEACE", in this wild and woolly course we travel?  Some people have a hobby that they do, some read books, some go on weekends away minus the family, still others go into their room and close the door, but what if none of these are possible? 

Peace is not merely a distant goal that we seek but a means by which we arrive at that goal.  - Martin Luther King, Jr  

So when I start to get to that place where I need to recenter myself a bit I try a few different things (No particular order, its kind of based on the day):

1. Scream and hide in a corner and rock like a baby--ok, not really but I sometimes feel like I am almost at that point.  That's when I turn on Super Why or Clifford and get a hopeful half-hour respite from constant questions, when its been really bad, I have been known to let the Bear pick out a movie and put it on.  Luckily we have a ton of old VHS and DVD movies so they don't get played all the time and lose their excitement.  Look on ebay or check out yard sales for people getting rid of VHS tapes.  They still work great if you have your VCR still. 
2. Get down art supplies and don't give any instructions.  --Yes I do this, more often than I should admit.  Play dough, crayons, scissors, paper (back sides of printed stuff works great) and a garbage can for the pieces and then I can slip into the kitchen and do what I want, be it preparing dinner, making bread, reading a magazine.  Just that quiet time to do that helps to recenter.  Does this always work?  I wish it did.  If it did I would turn a whole corner into an art station.
3. Demand (ok, beg, tears might work too) that my child lays down and put her head on the pillow.  Generally only at 15 minute intervals, otherwise she wouldn't.  That being said, when she has been particularly whinny, I send her to her bedroom just to do this and it works enough times that I still do it occasionally.  When she has been very whinny, she will nap still for a half hour or so. 
4. Turn on a kids Christian music CD like Bear's favorite, 26 Alphabet Bible Verse Chorus songs, and just go with it.  Seriously, my mood gets more relaxed and "at peace" with whatever is going on.  Maybe its the act of singing at the top of my voice, the giggles from Bear as she listens to her mommy singing, or maybe the fact I am singing and making a joyful noise for God is why this works....  Who knows, but it generally does.
5. If time allows and the situation lends itself, biorhythms.  Deep breathing and practicing relaxation techniques, but seriously this is not always possible with an active almost 5 year old.  Of course, when the weather is right and I have someone who can stay with Bear, a scooter ride works too.
6. Go with the constant desire to play and grab a chair, tall glass of lemonade or ice tea, a book, a hat or a umbrella for shade if needed, and relax, take a deep breath and enjoy the warmth of the sunshine while the kiddos play.  Bear has an area of the yard that she calls her "secret garden."  Its just a corner of the yard but she can dig and play in it without worry of mommy or daddy worrying about holes all over the yard.  My yard swing in the front provides the same time to "get some peace back" as well.  Find a place like that in your yard or patio.  Its free.
7. Take the time to walk barefoot in the grass.  It really makes one feel better in the evening with the summer weather to walk in the grass barefoot.  I always forget how relaxing it feels until I do it. 
8. Knead bread dough...  or play dough... whatever works.  Its a mind numbing activity that works your muscles.
9. Pull weeds.  Seriously, pulling weeds or mowing the lawn.  Its another mind numbing physical activity.  Sometimes just doing a physical activity can help you be "at peace" and able to reflect on what is really going on.  It kind of removes you from the situation, giving you space to think and sometimes thinking about something brings peace.
10. Finish a project.  Really, finish a project however small.  Sometimes we start so many pots on the stove that we get overwhelmed and that leads to frustration and just doing one of the above to reflect helps us to focus on the one task that is yelling the loudest and then taking care of that task can help give us a sense of peace.

BONUS:  Above all else, prayer of course, but with the prayer sometimes God's answer is to do one of the above.  *smile*  Matthew 19:26..."...but with God all things are possible" and Philippians 4:6-7 which says, Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;  and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.   Sometimes God says, "ok, the answer you seek will be revealed when you..."  [I wanted to clarify that I often have a prayer on my mind and on my lips as well as my childhood memory verse when I am very frustrated But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, meekness, self-control...--Gal 5:22-23]

Set peace of mind as your highest goal, and organize your life around it.
- Brian Tracy

Sometimes in the moment we forget, hey we're mothers and fathers, normal people, so don't beat yourself up about it.  Romans 3:23 states that ..all have sinned [you could also read this as none are perfect], and come short of the glory of God.

What do you do to be "at peace" on a day when you feel stressed?

6/27/12--Linked up with :  What Works Wedensday at Upside Down Homeschooling

Wrap up: Valentines & Sleepovers

Thursday we created Sarah's Peice de Resistaince....  her valentine box.  It didn't quite match my visions in my head, but it is her creation.  Who can stop a girl on a mission, who would want to! 

The matterials for our box: 

• Small file box for photos (we bought ours at Micheals)
• Assorted scrapbook paper in pretty colors and prints
• Glitter--seriuosly can you have a kids craft without glitter?
• Glue, lots of glue
• Old paint brushes
• Scissors
• You might want stickers, dodads etc...  we also used some ribion.  But any embellishment you like would be great.

Now, you will be very very tempted to take over, but don't.  Help where needed and let them direct you as well.  It's their box.  If you want to create a fancy box, make one yourself, you can!

Now to some more fun and yummy goodness.  Chocolate covered oreos.....

Tomorrow we are going to a morning bird watching nature walk (we will talk more about that later) and then we are going to a Homeschool Valentine Party.  For the party we made dipped cookies in chocolate and worked together on our valentine cards.  The cookies were so easy, as you can tell since Sarah did a lot of them. 

How to make dipped Oreo cookies in chocolate:

• One package of oreo cookies
• 2 bags of Wilton Melt Chocolate (pick your 'flavor')

Melt chocolate per directions on bag and then dip the cookies in about half way 1 by 1.

See easy peasy. 

Friday night Sarah had her very first sleep over.  The girls had so much fun.  We started the evening with making a craft necklace, stringing wooden beads on to elastic.  Then we ventured into the kitchen and made our own pizzas.  It was so much fun.  I let the girls make their pizza however they wanted, I just supplied the ingredients.  They had so much fun piling everything on top and waiting for it to bake.  While we waited to the pizza we put in a movie and the girls finished the evening playing dress up.  They had more fun than any two girls every could have and I will now forever call them the Giggle Bug Duo. 

Coming up this week we will explore a new tool in our education arsenal. 

Bye Bye Princess Pull-ups?



Excitement...  what joy to be almost 4!



Since my wee Bear was 2 I have struggled with the P word.  You know, that word that means the end of the D word, DIAPERS.  With every bag of pull-ups I buy I hope it will be our last.  We tried everything, literally everything, and just in case we didn't, everyone was very willing to give their advice, overly willing at times.  :-)

• The timer method
• the pantie only method
• bribes
• stickers
• tried candy but that wasn't her thing I guess
• tried toys
• tried the timer again
• bribes again
• "Sarah, all your friends wear panties, shouldn't you?"  S--"No mommy, I'm your baby!"  LOL  Then the next breath, "I'm a BIG GIRL not a baby" when told she was too little to climb the ladder or some other no no.
• I carried her to the toilet screaming like I was pulling toenails out,  "Help me help me!  I don't want the toilet!" 

What was I to do?  I often times was at my wits end.  I thought I was a bad parent.  i was told I wasn't strict enough.  I was told to show her who was the boss... the list is about as long as the Declaration of Independence.

Last year I gave up trying, I mean I figured how in the world was I expected to drag a screaming limp child that weighed 45 lbs into the bathroom and pull her pants down at the same time.  I still took her to the bathroom a few times a day, and she would always go on "command" but she really didn't mind being wet.  I, on the other hand, detested wet furniture.  I am hoping that now is history for the most part.  We have been in panties for a 5 days and tonight, no pull-up in bed, per her insistence. 

Playing in the sprinkler.

Here's how it went down.  Saturday or Sunday, I can't really remember, Sarah woke up and when I went to change her pull-up she said, "Mommy I want panties today."  I was shocked, and said, "are you sure?"  S--"yes mommy.  Desiray wears panties and I want to too"  (D is a friend that is about a year older then herself that she sees and adores).  So on went the panties. 



The first day or two was rough, we couldn't get panties off in time.  Grandma had a solution on Monday, buy a bigger size pantie!  We went pantie shopping and the rest is history.  I tried with all my might to get her to pick non character but we have Tinker Bell underwear and are loving them!  Maybe, just maybe, we will be trained by 4!  I certainly hope so, but what am I suppose to do with all those princess pink pull-ups? 



To be continued......

 On other fronts, we had a great 4th of July!  It started Saturday with a BBQ at Jess and Scott's place in Gig Harbor.  Great wine, good food and wonderful friends and conversations.  Jess' sis even is friends with someone I use to know.... Small world!  Then Monday Sarah and I spent the afternoon with Jess' family in Port Orchard.  Great water view of the fireworks!  A few pictures from that.

Happy Tending!

 

A pretty fairy wand....  kind of.  LOL



Outside my window... Dark hours are upon me.... 

I am thinking... Do I have a birthday card, or do I need to stop and buy one????? 

I am thankful for... Dh and Bear.  And the fun they have together!



I am wearing... must  you know?  :-)

I am remembering... My daddy.  I wish he could see his little granddaughter that reminds me in many ways of him.  He had a sense of humor and I think her's matches it.  Those two would be comical together.

I am going... to bed soon.

I am currently reading... Last Child still



I am hoping... tonight goes well!

On my mind... family

Noticing that... my front bed needs weeded, again!

Pondering these words... "Life is like a box of chocolates..."

From the kitchen... the dishwasher

Around the house...A World War II documentary on the war in the Pacific

One of my favorite things… cuddles, with my husband!  I'm off to cuddle now!





Teamwork!  When we work together, we can accomplish the impossible!