What makes a parent?
Patience and love....... lots and lots of patience.... by the bucket full.
A friend posted today about the Duggar Family on TLC. I guess they recently went to Japan. That's great...really. They travel and go to all sorts of wonderful places we all would love to take our children to. But, I want to remind people that they are TV stars, not you or I. Reality TV is anything but reality. THEY ARE TV STARS AND CAN'T BE CONFUSED WITH A REAL FAMILY. We don't see their real life. Is there any family with 2 kids, much less 19 that aren't pretty chaotic at times? I mean one child can cause chaos in the morning as we all fight for one bathroom.... Do you EVER see real drama on the program? I will admit, I don't watch it. We don't have cable. I have seen it a handful of times though. So many in the Christian world look to them as the ideal Christian family. Mr. and Mrs. Duggar are great folks....but.....
Do we see a Biblical principle in all good Christians having large families? Not much is really said about the ideal family size in the Bible. You know why? There isn't one. In fact I would go so far as to say that large families like the Duggar's are the exception not the rule... even in Biblical times.
The concept called quiver full.... The basic verse that is used to prescribe to this being God plan for all Christians is Psalm 127: 3-5 "Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate." This verse says nothing about the amount of children, just mentions some "ideal" "quiver full" number. In fact, its left up to the readers imagination. Maybe this is because God has ordained the sands of the sea long before we were thought of and He knows how many children we were to have before we even thought about quivers and contemplated what a full quiver looked like. Children are certainly a blessing from God, but having no children makes you no less a Godly person than having 15 makes the pagan a God fearing person. Christianity and being a good parent is more than that. We have an only, but we have had people condemn us, remarking that if we "did God's will" we would have more children. This is what the principle of "quiver full" thinking breeds. People are applying Ps 127 in unbiblical fashion. I am not condemning people with large families, not in the least. Big families (I think 5 or more children) are like families with onlys, we are not the norm in society. The true blessing from God is having children who believe and know God and Christ, having a relationship with the Father. If you are not providing a positive role model and teaching your children about God and what it takes to be a Christian, then, frankly its my beliefe that you have failed, reagrdless of how many children are in your "quiver". That can be one child, two-dozen children, or no children.... its more about you than children. Its more about how are you influencing young people around you? Only you and God know that answer. (ETA: This is written from a Christian perspective about Christians.)
It takes more than having children to fill your "quiver". A parent raises a child, loves a child, instills their beliefs and ideas of right and wrong in their child (or they try).... A parent might or might not give birth to the child they are raising. Parenthood goes well beyond giving birth. A parent takes care of the owies, kisses the bo-bos, disciplines with love, potty trains, educates, teaches how to draw hearts, teaches how to drive, walks his little girl down the aisle, and cries when the grandchildren are born. A parent does so much more....
Being a parent is the most important job you will ever be given. You are tasked with raising up a new life and showing that little being the way to go in the world. That's what makes a parent.
**Now, just on a side note, I would love to see a reality show where we see how the Duggar's function as family, how they make their soap, how they homeschool, how they break up fights between siblings, how they handle arguments between themselves..... and that, TLC, would be what a REAL family is about. Not a bunch of orchestrated events wrapped up all pretty and neat.
" If you are not providing a positive role model and teaching your children about God and what it takes to be a Christian, then, frankly its my beliefe that you have failed, reagrdless of how many children are in your "quiver". "
ReplyDeleteWOW!!?!! I don't really know what else to say about this, however it is by far one of the most judgemental, ignorant things I have read today!
I get the impression you think you are NOT judgemental or want your child to be judgemental - but seriously? This is an incredibly judgemental statement to make. I find I am reading this more and more in your blog posts, nothing happy or easy going - rather defensive. I am not sure if you are facing something dissapointing in life, but your posts recently reflect that and are nothing but judgemental and a put down to those who may not operate in life the way you would. Quite dissapointing really! Carry on... 'gentle friend'.
I'm sorry you feel it was judgmental, that was not my intention in the least. I feel you have taken it out of context, but because you have left no way of me to know who you are or how to contact you I am unable to reply directly or guess at what specifically bothered you.
DeleteIs it my belief that as Christians we are told to raise up our children and teach them the way that you find judgmental? Or is it me saying if a parent who is a Christian fails to do this that's judgmental?.... If, as a Christian, one fails to teach their child about Christ and how to live and be kind and loving, then they have failed. I am speaking to Christians.
Maybe the concept that large families don't make you more Christian is judgmental? I certainly wish you had left a way for me to know who you are so we could discuss this.
I'm sorry you feel my blog posts are judgmental and not happy or easy going. I write for me, and if someone reads it, fine, otherwise its for me, not for you, unless God leads it and uses something to speak to you. Then it still isn't me, its Him. I hope you can understand.
I have to agree that it takes more than the number of children you have to be a good parent. Everyone has what they are meant to have - and we are never given more than we can handle in life. Seems like it, but we aren't. I don't watch the Duggars, but if they can have that many children, have it work, and have kids who are well adjusted, healthy, and happy then more power to them. Though I have to admit - seeing the chaos occasionally would be nice!
ReplyDeleteAnd considering that you are Christian, that is your view. I don't see your opinion as demeaning, defensive, or judgmental in any way. It's your belief, your opinion, and there's no secret of it. It's your right. :)
Someone once said what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Sadly, there seems to be truth in it. :-)
DeleteThank you for your post and for visiting today.
Your post happens to remind me that what we see or read about in each other's blogs isn't always "real" either. It's just "part" of the factual picture, taken in tidbits. I understand what you say about writing for yourself. I don't expect to read something from someone else that fits my exact mold. I respect your opinion. The "role model" of Jacob with his twelve children and multiple wives always baffled me. Maybe that's a reason NOT to have a full quiver. I like this that you said: "Children are certainly a blessing from God, but having no children makes you no less a Godly person than having 15 makes the pagan a God fearing person."
ReplyDeleteKathy, I was thinking about Jacob and the sons partly when thinking about large families. He also had multiple wives though which goes somewhere this blog wont go. LOL I think your quiver can be full in many ways, not just giving birth to many children.
DeleteI don't know the Duggar's and from the outside looking in through the TV screen their family looks wonderful. But I have also seen the other side (from the outside looking in). I hope their family experience is an exception! They do seem like truly nice people, even if I don't agree with everything they say.
I also believe the Bible is the inspired Word of God and I agree with you about Psalm 127:3. I don't see a number in that verse, nor do I see a requirement that we measure up to a minimum number of 'arrows in our quivers'. All parents who are trying to raise their children to be like Christ should be commended, whether they have one child or 19.
ReplyDeleteBut, if it comes down to choosing between having a lot of children and being stressed or having a few and parenting them with purpose, I'd choose the latter every time.
Very true. If a large family causes stress it might hinder your ability to raise your children as God commanded.
DeleteWe always thought we would have more than one, but God knows best and He wrote our story. Its kind of like me having Bear as a mother of "advanced maternal age"; some things are more difficult, but God knew what He was doing. I wouldn't change a thing. God gave us our Bear in His time, despite me wanting it earlier.
Thank you for visiting.
I just wanted to make a quick comment here and say that I totally agree with what you've said in this post. Teaching your child(ren) about God is by far the most important aspect of parenting. I have one child, and though I wish I could have more, I don't think I'm any less of a parent because of it--as long as I do my best to raise my son to love God.
ReplyDeleteAndrea, thank you. God only asks for our best, that's where the mercy comes in. His son covers the rest because we never could do it with out Him.
DeleteThank you again for stopping by.