The Cousins --Envy & Greed

This week I am exploring happiness. What it is, how to get it, and what can rob it from us.

Part II

I am remembering chatting and the wistful sound in those momma's voices.  Like happiness is something of childhood alone. 

Where did this notion begin?  What in our society has brought us to the brink of woe and despair?  The CDC reports that 1 in 10 of us admit to being depressed.  ONE IN TEN!  Those are the numbers that go to a doctor and are told they suffer from depression.  What about the rest of us that suffer from this idea that we just aren't suppose to be happy?  Its like the people that claim you can't hang onto to the butterfly, giddy feeling you have when newly in love.  My retort has always been, WHY NOT?  Why can't we view life with eyes toward love and joy?  Why don't we?  What is robbing this from our very souls?

Unhappiness leads us down paths that lead to one place.  Destruction.  Depression is the leading cause of disability in the United States for individuals ages 15 to 44.  WOW.  Think about that.  A time in a young persons life where they should be finding so much joy, love, companionship, children... and they are depressed and unhappy. What about growing up robs our happiness from us?  What is STEALING our joy?  

Our love of money perhaps?  Or maybe more precise, our love of what money seems to be able to buy. 

So we work, slave way at some job, for 8+ hours a day, 40+ hours a week, 52 weeks a year.  Sometimes, IF WE ARE LUCKY, we take a vacation.  But instead of resting on vacation, we do destinations, and when we return we need a break from the vacation.  But, lets talk about those vacation hours....  Americans on average receive about 13 vacation days a year, that's an average mind you.  Many receive none.....  The United states does not require an employer to give his employees paid time off.  Did you know in France, the average employee gets 38 paid vacation days a year?  Many countries actually have citizens that take "Holidays" and here in America, we haven't a clue as to what a holiday is.  Interesting I read somewhere that women are more likely to feel guilty about taking a vacation than men are, at a rate of 40% of women v. 29% of men.  Shocking!  But not really when you think about it.  We women beat ourselves up and constantly compare ourselves to others...

We work, and we slave for the corporate system we have adopted (I am not saying its bad...).  Corporations are not people, they can go non-stop for years without a hiccup, we can't.  We need time to heal, time to lay with our backs in the soft fresh cut grass talking to our kids about polly-wogs and dandelions; but greed robs it from us.  GREED ROBS US.  SAY IT!  "GREED IS STEALING FROM ME!"

Greed isn't alone... He has a cousin.  Envy.  Envy looks at other people and what they have or what they do and then looks at her own life and pouts.  She gnashes her teeth and tears her clothes in frustration. She constantly compares herself to those around her.  Does she look as old as Momma X, does she look fatter than Momma Y....  Does her husband have a better position in the company than Jane's spouse?  Or, sadly, how high is that person in church and how can I be higher, or my husband be ranked higher?  I knew a woman one time that honestly did push her husband to move higher and higher in his company, regardless of the fact that he didn't want to.  He hated it.  Their marriage was rocky and teetering after just a couple years together.  Envy is a dangerous monster, that hides herself well within the recesses of our hearts, but she dwells within each of us. 

Later I will explore what happiness is and how we can hang onto it. 

Do you have happiness?

This week I am exploring happiness.  What it is, how to get it, and what can rob it from us. 

Part I

I was with some other homeschool mommas last week and one smiled about a little girl of almost 9 that was running and so happy.  She said something about how nice that was, and it made me think about why we seem to be lacking happiness in our society.  Lets face it, we aren't very happy.  Why is that? 



John 16:27
May the God of hope fill you with all
joy and peace as you trust in him,
so that you may overflow with
hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

We should be able to be happy, we really should.  Why aren't we?  Ok, you wanna know the down and dirty reason why I think we aren't?  If you don't want to face some cold hard realities, you better leave now.  This isn't going to be a warm and fuzzy post about how to get in touch with your feelings.  I am attacking the bull by the horns.  You have been warned...

Still here?  If you are still reading it must mean you have looked at your garden and found some weeds that just refuse to leave.  You have looked at your inner most self and seen room for change, and want to cross this bridge with me.  Yes, I am in need of an overhaul as well.  Simplification is not easy.  No one ever said it would be, it hurts sometimes.  Real bad. 



Why can't we still have some of the joy we had in childhood?  Granted, when we "grow up" we do get handed some pretty tough obligations and realities, but does that mean our joy gets zapped out of our bodies?  It must, because so many of us lack real joy in our every day life. 

Psalms 47:1 says, Clap your hands, all peoples! Shout to God with loud songs of joy!
 

There are somethings we can't change, but one thing we can change, without a doubt, is how we view the world.  Even a staunch glass half empty party pooper can become a bit lighter and seek more joy.  Those momma's amazed and wistful for the joy of childhood can regain that again.  At least the love of life that such happiness is...

Step one:  Smile and practice LOVE.  Love doesn't come easy once you grow up.  Sometimes we show little love even to those we do love with wild abandon.  So show it.  Do acts of kindness each day.  Remind your husband (or wife) that they mean the world to you.  I don't mean to pick on the men, but  men are commanded to love their wives.  I think we women are more readily free with the words and even gestures toward our spouse (although it can certainly be a bag of mixed signals when one moment we are full of adoration and the next our eyes seethe with wrath...).  Ladies, be slow to anger toward our husbands and our children. 

If there's one thing that will kill love off quicker than molasses in July its a hard and vengeful heart.  One thing I am still learning after all these years, but want to share still, is that men have a different language.  They honestly do.  They have been hard wired differently than we women have.  It doesn't make them bad, it doesn't make us better, it just makes us different and hopefully complimentary to each other.  My own family is proof of this.  Where I am quick to speak and hot tempered at times, my husband is a calm leveling spirit.  He thinks about things differently too.  I have trouble sometimes not dwelling on small facts and nuances of something and he can find common ground in a situation.  He views things with a different slant and from a different angle than I do.  I want you to open the door to seeing things from the male side once in awhile.  Trust me, if you do, you will recapture some joy in your home.  It might not be the only key, but it is a key. 

“Joy is the serious business of Heaven.”

~~C. S. Lewis

 

God loves us to be filled with joy, just like that little girl, and we can.  Not only can we, but we should. 

 

 

Sweet Avery's Bucket List

UPDATE:  ON 4/30/2012 at about 3 PM Sweet Avery passed away.  Please go to her blog for information on how you can find out more about SMA and if you feel led, to donate toward a cure and testing.  Most of all, send some prayers to her loved ones. 
Thank you.

A friend shared a blog today.  I almost didn't follow the link but had a few minutes and did.  I left the blog in tears.  Sarah asked why I was crying and sad so I showed her the pictures and told her little Avery was a baby but very sick.  In typical 4 year old fashion she commented on the lollipop and said she wanted to share and could she be friends with the baby.

Later she asked me a question about why the baby came from Jesus sick.  Oh, how do you explain this to a child that's 4?  I told her sometimes babies are born sick, as sad as it is, sometimes its just God's will.  "But why mommy?"

Oh dear, hunny, this is a question that's hard to answer and there really isn't an answer.  Sometimes God just allows people to be sick but maybe by this sweet lamb of a child being sick others might be well.  Anyway, we, in our finite knowledge, try to justify or answer the unanswerable and for now she was satisfied with hearing that Avery is sick and Jesus still loves her dearly and would make her well if He could, but He can't so He gave her wonderful parents and a bright smile to brighten the days. 

I leave this blog link with you; follow and share it, share a little smile, love and encouragement with Sweet Avery's parents and grandparents and read her story.  And each time you see it, say a prayer for her and her family. 

Thank you and blessings to you, my dear sweet gentle friends. 

Avery's Bucket List

A rocky road...

Life the last few weeks have been a bit over the top, I am trying very very hard to keep to the "Simpler Life"routine, but sometimes outside forces really try hard to rock your boat and send you tumbling headlong into an abyss of epical proportions.  Why is it that it always seems to works this way? When it rains it pours.

One situation is our old fellowship.  It had gotten so small and so stagnate that we decided when Sarah was still under a year old that we needed more in the way of teaching.  We sought out the local Church of Christ Church, and we really like their teachings but after nearly two years, left because there wasn't a sense of family.  Really, how could you have a sense of family in a church of 400 people? 

Since then we have been floundering, and it is telling in our life.  I miss church, unsheathing the sword and putting on the belt (Eph. 6).  It isn't the same at home, I mean yes we can do it on our own, we don't need a body of believers, but for most of us who have flesh and blood bodies we do need the accountability.  Anyway, I think lately with our Saviors resurrection looming and being upon us the lack of a spiritual walk is really weighing upon not only me, but the family.  I think I feel like I need it the most though.  I need the prayer for a long suffering and slow to anger heart.  I need a peaceful spirit.  I really and truly want this.  I don't like disorder, but lately my life seems to be not only surrounded by it but overcome with it.  

I could try to justify my unease and anger at things with a bunch of "buts" BUT that would not be fair to my loved ones or to myself.  I am owning up to my short comings, and asking my gentle friends to please, be in earnest prayer for my peace and even a heart change so that the simpler life I desire with such a fervent fire can be something our entire family benefits from.  Please pray that we can find a church that will be a good fit for our little family.

That's my post for today.... short, nothing homeschooly about it but assuredly something about tending my garden.  My inner space and peace.

Blessings to each one of you, May God's face shine upon you.

Grab your pail

It seems like when it rains, sometimes it pours down buckets, you know? My back has been giving me big pains lately and now we have a small bug. I was hopping we could get back on a schedule this week, but it looks like we may be another week of hit and miss. But like my husband says, “life happens when you are busy making other plans” so I guess I need to view this in a half full sort of fashion.

We have worked on some fine motor skills but with being so immobile for more than a week, I also will admit we have watched several shows of Super Why, Word World and Clifford. I am also trying to figure out ways to really teach the days of the week and months. The way I want to teach is really going slow in that regard. Off to figure out a better way. We continue to work on shapes and letters, though the only letters we like are ones in our name. LOL

The rain has let up so hoping tomorrow the ground will be dry enough to dig in the dirt a bit outside, a project I know some little hands will love. It means I can sit back and watch her play outside in the fresh air too. We have been very housebound lately.

Also tomorrow I hope to make some apple butter and some dried apples. I plan to be up early. LOL I have a busy weekend planned with sorting, canning and even a birthday party or two. Sometime I also need to find a few minutes to study and sew. I am going to attempt to make a Tangled costume for Bear. I plan to be a bumble bee myself and Bob wants to be a renaissance man.

A friend recently disclosed that she is suffering from PPD. I suffered with it also, it's a very true condition. I can’t say that I am surprised by her revelation. Having suffered myself I could see the deck stacking that way. She is such a good mom, she will be fine. I know the best thing for me was talking with others that also suffered with it, a sort of validation I guess. Knowing I wasn’t alone and that my feelings were honest feelings and to recognize them. It also helped having a supportive husband. When I am in pain or depressed I tend to want to wallow, and the best thing for me was to pull myself up and get into a routine. My doctor had me write a list of things that I enjoyed doing and to do them. I wasn’t able to breastfeed my daughter, and in my mind (and the minds of others too) that meant I had somehow failed. While I think breastfeeding is best, I am now a STRONG advocate of doing what is best for mom too. Ultimately the family is happier and functions better when Mom, the queen of the castle, is happy and feels like she is taking good care of her family.

I know part of what can send me spiraling is having too much on my plate.  Sometimes I put it there myself and other times I allow others to fill it up.  Some things are commitments that you can't neglect, like taking Grandma to the doctor or grocery shopping.  really those are small things, they just seem like a lot when my plate is heaped high.  It's all the little things or obligations I say yes to and it's very hard for me to say no.  I want to help and sometimes I just think people expect things of me.  Part of my feelings for this goes back to the bully post a bit back.  I have said no before and it has terminated a friendship because I couldn't be there to do what the person wanted, I was trying to focus on my own family and needs.  That being said, this is not generally the case, right?  Often times we just think people expect things of us.  Sometimes they don't and other times they just don't realize they have come to rely so much on us.  I need scale way back and not worry about what others think.  Real friends wont care.

Oh I know I will get all sorts of nasty thoughts directed at me for this position, but really as wives and mothers we do have a lot of power over how our house feels. I struggle too; everyone that knows me understands this. When I lost a part of myself two years ago it tore a hole in me and my family suffered. I still struggle with that, but I am trying. I am speaking from someone in the life boat, my gentle friends. Still working on paddling that boat back to the ship. It’s by God’s grace that I am where I am. To Him I sing all praises.

Have a wonderful rest of the week and remember, grab your pail when it's raining buckets.

Happy Tending!

Count your blessings

I am preaching to myself. I tend to need that reminder more often then I care to admit. My blessings are many. I am married to my very best friend, and could think of no place I would rather be. I have a wonderful healthy little girl, a blessing, but sometimes the little things that go wrong can throw me for a loop.

I stress a lot. I don't think I am alone in this. I am work in progress. God's still tending His garden in me. We had a financial crisis just recently and it threw me for a loop and thrust us into a curve. But in this day and age, we are in less straights than many. So it's a blessing. We have been blessed and I know this. My heart is joyful for the blessings, I just have to learn to relax more.

We are told to be thankful, and to praise in all things. Christian or not, one can see the wisdom in this, but I think today's world overlooks so much and we all place such big expectations on ourselves. We have to keep up with the Jones' and they are struggling to keep up with the Smith's and the cycle goes on. So while we are trying our best to keep up, no one is really looking at where they are going. I think that is what's happened with our current economy. Now so many of us are just treading water. What happened to each of us being happy? When did it change? I know for Sarah she doesn't care what others have, why can't we all be like children and when does this stop being the case? What makes us stop being truly happy just being happy? When does the bullying start? When do people start comparing haves and have nots? AND the biggest question: How do we stop the cycle and tend to our garden better?

God has blessed me so much. He has brought all sorts of people into my life to show me about compassion, love and how we are suppose to behave toward (or treat) those that we know and don't know. I fail, and just when I am at the edge, something will happen to remind me. Someone I know or someone I don't know will befriend me and show me what loving each other (as we are told to do) is all about. I really hope I can and am passing this on to Sarah. It's all about passing that love forward, and it's one thing I hope we can pass on to Sarah. It's worth more than all the material goods in the world. For her to know Jesus as her King and for her to be sweet, respectful and treat others as she would like to be treated.

In 2011, I hope to explore this question in myself and share with the gentle readers. It's going to be a journey in the year ahead.

My wish for you all, is that as your year comes to a close that you find your focus on the love and joy you have in your life.

Much love as we all go forward into 2011.
Happy Tending!