I started off this Monday post with that hymn. Its a favorite of mine and when I sing it tears are brought to my eyes. Its humbling to know that God do loved me, even me, that He sent His most beloved and sinless son to die for my sins. His grace is mind blowing.
He leadeth me, O blessed thought!O words with heavenly comfort fraught.Whate'er I do, where'er I be,Still 'tis God's hand that leadeth me.Chorus:He leadeth me, He leadeth me!By His own hand He leadeth me;His faithful foll'wer I would be,For by His hand, He leadeth me.Sometimes 'mid scenes of deepest gloom,Sometimes where Eden's bowers bloom,By waters still or troubled sea,Still 'tis God's hand that leadeth me!Repeat ChorusAnd when my task on earth is done,When by Thy grace the victory's won,E'en death's cold wave I will not flee,Since God through Jordan leadeth me!Repeat ChorusHe leads me, He leads me!By His own hand, He leads me!His faithful foll'wer I would be,For by His hand, He leadeth me.He, He leads me! (He leadeth me)He, He leads me! (Ohh...)Repeat
Ok, I can only speak for myself. I am a sinner and I need that grace. I like to say that I do the best I can, but do I? Is my behavior and actions that of Christian wife and mother? Have I surrounded myself with people that can foster this and help me through rough patches? Do I have sisters which can lend an ear, give advice or just help me over those obstacles which each of us are faced with, with seemingly never ending regularity? Do those women I do surround myself with have a Christ based approach to living? Generally not, sadly. It does sadden me. I long for a Christian family. We were disfellowshipped from the very small fellowship DH belonged to before we married because we told the "elder" we were searching for a place where there was more unsheathing of the Word, we weren't being given milk, much less meat to eat; and we also wanted a place where our child could develop Christian friendships. Some would view this all as a sign to give up, and it can be daunting. Frankly, we need the Christian living around us, especially in a world so wrought with things that are not in the least Christian.
I need to surround myself and my family with more Christian things, better television programs (less as well), less computer time--facebook is a time eater and waster. It can get me . worked up, takes my mind off my family and the things that really matter and too easily allows my nose to butt into business it doesn't need to be in, etc. Just wanting a simple life is not the key, I need to have a simpler life and we need to return to a strong faith base. I had it at one time, and I remember how it felt and I need that again.
I will admit, Saturday I felt over stressed, over worked and under appreciated. I was cranky. I was not exhibiting any loving spirit, at all. I get tired of that specter of the Proverbs woman living over me; in the verses in question she hasn't got to deal with a 4 year old that sometimes wont mind worth a hill a beans and a never ending list of chores; trying to prod her family into helping, to keep the lawn mowed, the socks picked up and the shoes out of the living room. Sometime I will look more at proverbs 31 and the woman that is described and how many in Christiandom and the world have a false idea of what it means. While I have my own idea of Proverbs 31, the specter remains. That specter was there Saturday. If I am just a good enough Christian wife and mom my child will behave, my husband will help do yard work, etc., etc., etc. (BTW, he does help... more than most, but whe you are tired and cranky, well it seems like no one does, you know?). The specter keeps nailing at me how bad I am and not because of what God says, not in the least, but because of man's (humankind, not just men) interpretation of it.
We, as a family, need to focus on what we can do and be around other Christians more and be more mindful of what we say and do. So that is another step on our path. Realizing that we can't go it alone, that we need to be MINDFUL of our actions and think more about things like:
- Would I watch this if Christ were next to me?
- Would I talk like this if Christ were here?
- Would doing this be edifying and will it show forth God's love?
Because He Lives
God sent his son, they called him Jesus,Thank you gentle friends for staying the course with me....
He came to love, heal and forgive.
He lived and died to buy my pardon,
An empty grave is there to prove my savior lives.
Because he lives
I can face tomorrow
Because he lives
All fear is gone
Because i know he holds the future
And life is worth the living
Just because he lives
How sweet to hold a newborn baby,
And feel the pride and joy he gives,
But greater still the calm assurance:
This child can face uncertain day because he lives.
And then one day I'll cross the river,
I'll fight life's final war with pain.
And then, as death gives way to vict'ry,
I'll see the lights of glory and I'll know he reigns.