Unicorns are unique

Being a mom.  Its hard.  Its full of complications.  Do we let our child do this?  Do we let our children do that?

Today my child was told she was "different" and it wasn't said in the most amicable of ways.

I have been telling Bear for several months now that being different is not bad.  She has lately been very concerned that she doesn't do things the same or as well as others.  I can pinpoint at least one person that could have instigated this, but it could also be her age as well.  Or perhaps her age has magnified it?  Either way, it has happened and it has broken this momma's heart. 

Why do little girls at six years old find they need to be hateful toward other little girls?

It makes being a mom hard.  Really hard. 

Even though we tell our kids that being "different" is a wonderful thing and will make them better people they don't really want to be different (or most don't).  In art this week Bear cried and got upset because she couldn't draw as well as one little girl next to her, of course it didn't help when the little girl drew attention to her crying, which didn't set well with me because of my mommy's heart.  Bear use to enjoy collage and abstract art, now she is concerned with drawing like everyone else, and my heart breaks.  The art teacher tries very very hard to tell everyone that art is fun and there is no right or wrong.  I have always told Bear that there are no mistakes in art.  I believe this with my heart, but my little girl who lives outside the box is surrounded by people that must do things a certain way.... and she is different. 

Another little girl we know was telling me one day that she was upset because she couldn't ride a two wheeled bike yet, she is eight.  I quickly told her, "Big Whoop!"  I told her that she is amazing because she is on a roller derby team and has a keen interest in taxidermy, and she is a great actress.  How many eight year olds can lay claim to that?  Yeah, very few.  Its cool being outside the box.  But she still worries about not riding a bike like other kids.

Being different shouldn't be something that is looked down upon.  Being different is what makes things interesting.  The great writers, artists, scientists, and others were not run of the mill.  They did things differently. 

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.-Dr. Seuss

 The more you like yourself, the less you are like anyone else, which makes you unique.-Walt Disney

So tomorrow we are reading about Bob is a Unicorn.  I will explain to Bear that we have to look inside our hearts and follow our dreams.  Unicorns are rare, just like she is; Rare, beautiful, and unique. 

Mean Kids...

The Best Friends... 
Sunshine was the victim of someone's
 "little angels" bully her,
because of her looks....
What do you think?
What would you do?

Kids being mean.   KIDS BEING MEAN.

I know we can't really blame the kids, we need to blame the parents.  The parents need to stand up to their kids and tell them their behavior reeks of rotten liver that has spoiled and soured.  Yet, do they?  Are parents really that afraid of their kids?  Or are they really oblivious to the pain they can cause with a few mocking words and laughing mouths.   Why would anyone not stop a bully when they witnessed it.  Why would an adult allow a child to bully another? I'm not talking the petty squabbles about who gets the slid first that occurs in young childhood at three or four; but rather out right bullying.  I am hearing all sorts of talk about young friends at six or seven being bullied by other boys and girls in the same peer group....  This not good.  This is something that was once reserved for third or fourth grade, even highschool....  not kindergarten...or younger.

 Oh, I am upset.....  Its a good thing I wasn't there to witness what happened to Bear's BFF on Saturday at Kandel Park......

Sunshine was born with a cleft pallet.  It doesn't matter though, not one iota.  She's beautiful.  My wee babe has never questioned her beauty and friendship, she loves Sunshine just the way she is.

Sunshine recently went to a local spray park with her mom after a ballet recital.  Its been warm, and Sunshine, like Bear, loves the water and playing with children.  We were unable to join them, chores at home, but now I am unsure if it would have been wise for us to join them; maybe God was keeping me away from the hate filled behavior that kids displayed toward Sunshine. 

I decided to use what happened as a teaching moment.  So we discussed bullies Sunday morning.  Bear was unable to fathom how anyone could even see Sunshine as not looking like herself.  She said, "we look a like except I have short hair and Sunshine has long hair."  Bear has never noticed that Sunshine has some scars.... or if she has, they have never made an impression.... maybe because she is raised around people with scars, and so it normal and natural that everyone looks different.  Maybe she looks beyond appearances and sees the heart, the way children should.  But whatever the reason is, Bear was sad and upset about what happened  to her friend.  Bear sees nothing to not adore about her BFF, well except that Sunshine can ride a bike and she is still struggling with it.  *grin*    Bear and I discussed what happened and how mean it was toward Sunshine; what she should do if she witnessed behavior like that or if someone treated her like that.

BFF's and their AG's

Parents:  If your children get caught up in the gang mentality and bully because everyone is doing it, NIP IT IN THE BUD.  Stop being afraid to parent your children.  Its not funny, its not normal, its not a phase.  It isn't a rite of passage in childhood to be bullied or be a bully.  Teach your child to stick up for those being bullied.  To get adult help, to tell their friends its mean to pick on kids just because they might look different, dress different, live in a different house, or come from a different social-economic class.  People are people and we need to remember the golden rule.  Treat others as you would wish to be treated. 

It breaks my heart that Sunshine had to endure this.  Despite this, it didn't break her spirit; at least not that we grown-ups have seen.  I wish no child had to endure being bullied.  Today it is rampant, and the only solution I can see are parents rising up and taking back control of their homes and setting good examples.  You place a high importance on setting a good example on eating, exercise, school/education... how about teaching/showing some moral examples?  When you hear about or witness a bully, address it.  Talk about bullying at home, role play situations with your kids.  Find out more info at Stop Bullying--Kids.

Have you encountered a situation where your child was bullied?  Was friends with a victim?  Or the bully?  What have you done?

The most virgin territory there is....

Is the future. I read that somewhere but it fails me where.

So what's all this about? Think about that mean kid at school, you know, the one that was always picking on people, especially people different then them self. Hopefully that wasn't you, but then again maybe it was you.

Bully bully. Sticks and stones may break my bones but your words will never harm me. It seems everywhere we look, every channel we turn on the television or listen to on the radio is talking about bullies.  Kids are being bullied, but do those bullies ever grow out of it?  Do they ever grow up and look back on their life and see their wrongs and try to make amends? 

I was bullied.  Looking back on it, some 20 years later I see I was bullied daily.  I hated school.  People made fun of me and I could go on and on about the reasons, but would it accomplish anything?  No.  That being said I thought I left bullies behind when I "grew up".  Then I had a child and seen the bullies emerge again, not always directed toward me, but often times toward other moms (why do the worst bullies seem to be other women?).  The things they bully about now have changed, maybe, and perhaps the grown up bullies have gotten more sophisticated, but they are bullies all the same. 

I guess there is one in every crowd.  The person that must always be on top, even when it means stepping on others to get there.  The ones that use emotions to get what they want, then the minute you develop some gumption they decide they can't be your friend any longer, etc.  Why do grown adults feel the need to behave this way?  In children we blame their home life, school, society, mass media view habits, but in adults we have no one to blame.  It's just plain meanness. 

I have no scientific studies to quote, just some observations.  Children imitate what the see.  The good and the bad.  Not a one of us is a perfect parent, I know I'm not, but I do the best I can at this moment in my life.  I try to treat others with kindness and show by example a helping spirit, with the hopes that my daughter will grow up knowing we should help others also.  Yes, children imitate the good and bad.  Those moms and dads that clamber up the social ladder stepping on all those people on the way up are just as much a bully as the runny nosed 10 year old on the playground stealing milk money.  A bully is anyone that  purposely tries to hurt another by actions and words.  A bully might hit to cause pain or use words that hurt and intimidate others.  A bully might be that mom in dance class that spreads a rumour (true or not) about you or your child to the other moms....  bullies come in all shapes and sizes.  Most of the adult bullies I have encountered bully in an effort to increase themselves by making others feel small or insignificant.  It's sad. 

So I guess the idea of this little soap box is a reminder to all of us that we need to treat others with kindness and to show some love toward our fellow parents.  We are all on this road, some of us on different paths, but it still has the same destination, raising happy healthy children. 

Oh and the point of the quote, The most virgin territory there is the future....  No one knows what the future brings.  The future is a blank canvas and it's up to you to decide what you will paint on that canvas.  What will you paint for your children to see?  It's up to you.

Tend your garden well my dear friends!  Let's love one another!

With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love.  Ephesians 4:2

 And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works.  Hebrews 10:24

Happy Tending