Monday Refelections

One reason so many Christians today are worn out and faint is because their lives are complicated.  -- Joyce Meyer

And I begin this long time coming blog post telling you that my life is complicated. Yes. It is.  It's been more than 1 year since my last post, and frankly longer than that since I posted with any frequency.  For those that followed me at one time and have stuck with me, THANK YOU.  Thank you for sticking with me while life has been complicated and I adjust to new normals.  Not Homeschooling doesn't mean I have nothing to blog about because I am still tending my garden.

Later this week I will update in bits and pieces but today I will muse on how to embrace the seemingly disorganization that life has been for the last 3-4 years.  It really hasn't been any more disorganized than before.  Adding Gram to the mix changed things a bit, which I am sure to touch on how having your mother in your home can add its onset of complications, but that is for another day.  I pray your gentle friendship will allow me those times and these times.  :-)  

On the home front, we are currently moving things around and Gram has agreed to divest our home of many small items that stack up and create a big mess, of course, a family of four with the gene for hanging onto things long past their use is difficult.  I made the hard choice last night to toss all of Bear's old birthday cards.  Really, what was I keeping them for?  You would be very proud of my resolve.

I have been using Sunday's to mentally plan the big anchor tasks for the week and menu ideas.  This week we are having:

• Lasagna 
• Hobo Meal (Potatoes and Beans with Franks)--it sounded good.
• Goulash
• Breakfast
• Pizza--  Because Friday should always be Pizza right?

That is a lot of meal planning for me.  In the past, I have tried to create 4-6 weeks of rotating meals, and it has proven a headache and unsustainable.   I know my limitations! Instead of viewing this as a failure I decided to adapt and do what does work with my life, my abilities, and my family.  Welcome Sunday week planning.  I am not micro-planning, but planning my anchor tasks, and then each night I am planning the large things the next day and keeping my lists short.  This is working for me and if you are finding planing and keeping to task is proving to be hard this might help you.  I will try to post a VLOG post talking about this soon!  ;-)

For now, Happy Tending!
Kim

A life time away

A lot has happened in the past couple months. I have been very caught up in getting the needs to be done things accomplished that I haven't had time to write here, but I am here now and can sit and breathe again most evenings.....  Life does that....  seasons of life.

We are now living on s small bit of land, almost 1.5 acres, and pursuing a dream.  Eventually, the dream includes a dozen or two chickens, some turkeys, geese, small goose pond, perhaps a goat or two, a calf for meat, chickens for meat, and our garden area.  I want to plant a couple apple trees, plum trees, and undecided on pear.  Its a work in progress and I will be updating our progress periodically!  *smile*

Its a good move for our family.  We have named our small piece of the kingdom, Promise Farm.  God promises that He will provide and give us what we need when we wait upon Him.  This farm was what He had set aside for us.  We bought it and moved in during His time, not ours.  As much as we wanted to rush and know a year ago what his plan was for our future, I know that waiting upon God to show us His will is best.  God provides, ALWAYS, for those that love Him.  For whatever reason, we are not city dwellers any longer.  Its been a good move for our family....  as is telling by early bedtimes and dirty hands.

Swing set is back up and being put to goo use, of course Duke is overseeing it.

Bear got her swing set back and its in a fun corner of the property, backed up to a semi wooded area (of course there are a lot of woods around us).  With her swing set she has been outside even more, this is good for her.  She had gotten into the habit, as we all did while living in an apartment, of watching TV rather than playing outside.  She is one happy camper having that back in use!

She can't wait to make friends with the neighbor girls that live one house down the gravel road, and yes, we are discussing the possibility of a puppy in the near future.  *yes, mom's a pushover*

Another big thing that occurred this spring is that I promoted to Team Leader in Usborne.  This is an exciting event.  I am virtually taking the month of May off of anything to speak of.

and that's the nut shell....

Showing some brush whose boss!

Clearing away brush in the back section.

Unicorns are unique

Being a mom.  Its hard.  Its full of complications.  Do we let our child do this?  Do we let our children do that?

Today my child was told she was "different" and it wasn't said in the most amicable of ways.

I have been telling Bear for several months now that being different is not bad.  She has lately been very concerned that she doesn't do things the same or as well as others.  I can pinpoint at least one person that could have instigated this, but it could also be her age as well.  Or perhaps her age has magnified it?  Either way, it has happened and it has broken this momma's heart. 

Why do little girls at six years old find they need to be hateful toward other little girls?

It makes being a mom hard.  Really hard. 

Even though we tell our kids that being "different" is a wonderful thing and will make them better people they don't really want to be different (or most don't).  In art this week Bear cried and got upset because she couldn't draw as well as one little girl next to her, of course it didn't help when the little girl drew attention to her crying, which didn't set well with me because of my mommy's heart.  Bear use to enjoy collage and abstract art, now she is concerned with drawing like everyone else, and my heart breaks.  The art teacher tries very very hard to tell everyone that art is fun and there is no right or wrong.  I have always told Bear that there are no mistakes in art.  I believe this with my heart, but my little girl who lives outside the box is surrounded by people that must do things a certain way.... and she is different. 

Another little girl we know was telling me one day that she was upset because she couldn't ride a two wheeled bike yet, she is eight.  I quickly told her, "Big Whoop!"  I told her that she is amazing because she is on a roller derby team and has a keen interest in taxidermy, and she is a great actress.  How many eight year olds can lay claim to that?  Yeah, very few.  Its cool being outside the box.  But she still worries about not riding a bike like other kids.

Being different shouldn't be something that is looked down upon.  Being different is what makes things interesting.  The great writers, artists, scientists, and others were not run of the mill.  They did things differently. 

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.-Dr. Seuss

 The more you like yourself, the less you are like anyone else, which makes you unique.-Walt Disney

So tomorrow we are reading about Bob is a Unicorn.  I will explain to Bear that we have to look inside our hearts and follow our dreams.  Unicorns are rare, just like she is; Rare, beautiful, and unique. 

The Good, the bad, and the ugly

Someone posted a link or said they liked a post on line on Facebook.  I thought it explored an interesting concept.  It discussed a Christian's propensity to refer to everything as a blessing.   It was interesting how he described it.  Today many Christians say that everything under the sun is a blessing (and before you say anything, I contend that life itself is a blessing).  Now I am taking some liberties here, I don't know the author.  I don't know his life, so my presumptions are just that. 

I don't think he was saying we should never count all things from God as a blessing.  God himself says we can count all things blessings.  Deuteronomy 28:2 “Now it shall be, if you diligently obey the Lord your God, being careful to do all His commandments which I command you today, the Lord your God will set you high above all the nations of the earth.  All these blessings will come upon you and overtake you if you obey the Lord your God."  What are all the blessings that God promises Israel if they followed him?  We discover that later in the chapter.  I encourage you to read it.

Several verses in God's word discusses blessings.  Proverbs 28:20 "A faithful man will abound with blessings.."  Acts 13:34,  and Ephesians 1:1-3 which says, "Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God, to the saints who are at Ephesus and who are faithful in Christ Jesus:  Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ." 

I digress...  so I read his article and began to reflect upon his words there.  I do personally count my house as something God has given me.  Some might not count it as a blessing.  I can't change their attitude.  What matters is what I feel in my heart, and that is where I think we should look. We must look into our heart and discover if we truly do believe all things, good and the seemingly bad, are from God. 

When we lose a loved one, we don't see it as a blessing.  I don't think any death is a blessing, even when the person is in pain, but where I think the blessing comes into play is our attitude. Do we blame God or do we find strength and in that strength is the blessing?  I speak from experience in this.  Loss is never a something we call a blessing, but when we rely on God and pray for strength he hears our prayers and gives us peace.  That is a blessing.  

We were never promised a cake walk when we became Christians.  I think its an immature Christian that would ever believe that if you're Christian enough you reap bountiful rewards.  No, you might never reap any earthly rewards, but your blessings are in God.  You blessings from God are those you love, in your job that requires hours of toil, often back breaking labor, it maybe the fact that you have a piece of bread to eat...

None of us will have the same "blessings" as the next.  I have been told many children are a blessing from God, the presumption then is that if you have one, two, or none you somehow have failed in God's favor.  This is an unbiblical concept.  Yes children are a blessing, but they are just one kind.  Good health is a blessing, but its just one of the blessings God may give you.  If your home burns down you are not unblessed by God.  Your Christianity should never be questioned because of what you have or don't have. 

I will continue to say we view being able to work as a blessing.  I will continue to say having a home we can come home to a blessing.  I've been been through not having a home, so I know having one is a blessing.  Even when I didn't have a home, I consider myself blessed.  My family was together.   God's love and care never left us, even if some thought he did. 

Its outlook....  So it becomes more a matter of the state of your heart. This is what I have been reflecting on.

Blessed.  Count all things as blessing.  The Good, the bad, and the ugly...  Christ never said it would be a cake walk, but we have our sights set on something greater.

Five little things

Five things the last twelve months has taught me... 

Its good to sit down occasionally and reflect on where you were and where you have traveled on this road called life.

1.  Patience.  Oh man have I been shown I have a BIG HUGE need for patience.  Patience in waiting for things to happen.  God just telling me to be still and not try to forge ahead on my own.  Yep, patience.

2.  I don't always need, or should I even have, the last word.  The last word isn't the end all and be all.  Yeah, only a foolish person sets themselves up as authorities  on nearly everything and they just don't know they walk a fine line.  Growing up makes you see that.  Its sometimes hard to follow through, but you do discover that you don't know best for everyone. 

3.  Things need to ebb and flow.  You can't be the conductor of everything, sometimes you just have to sit back, and do, NOTHING.  Yep, sometimes you have to not worry about tomorrow and not worry about yesterday.

4.  You need to be secure in why you are doing something.  When people think we are crazy for the path we are going down, let them think it.  Who knows what their reasons are.  Sometimes people just do that. 

5.  Wait.  I have learned that we must wait and be still so God can work. 

Have you learned anything in the last year? 

The heart of a lion

 God has created everything, and for everything there is a season.  I can have courage in that.  Even when I seem to be surrounded by enemies and strife is tossed my way, I can be courageous and forge ahead.  I must!   Even when it seems I fail, fail, and fail again.   God is mindful, even when we aren't deserving.  His mercy is a wonderful, glorious thing.   Take heart and be of good courage my friends, God is with us. 

O LORD, our Lord,
            How majestic is Your name in all the earth,
            Who have displayed Your splendor above the heaven
From the mouth of infants and nursing babes You have established strength
            Because of Your adversaries,
            To make the enemy and the revengeful cease.
When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers,
            The moon and the stars, which You have ordained;
What is man that You take thought of him,
            And the son of man that You care for him?
(From Psalm 8)

Oh God, thank you for giving me mercy.  Thank you for understanding even when I don't.  Thank you for being mindful of my needs, even when I don't have the courage to voice them.  Who am I, Oh Lord, who I am?  Thank you for being my wise and wonderful Father.  I am unworthy, but I am proud to proclaim that I am your daughter.

God, when I consider the stars, the planets, the trees on our own hillsides, and even the tiny child within my embrace, who am I?  What have I done to make you care for me?  Yet you, dear LORD, care!  You care so much that you sent your ONLY son to live, die, be buried, and raise again so that I might partake in the promise.  I am humbled.   I grateful.  I sing your praise Father, I sing your praise!

Today I am reflecting on what courage and failure means.  How failure is not bad, but necessary.  This was brought up to me not just once but twice, by two unrelated people.  God did not create us to stay in a bubble He created us to impact the world.  Yes, sometimes we will feel like we fail, but we aren't really failing.  Not really.  Failing would be to never start in the first place.  Failing would be giving up.  Failing would be hardening your heart against everyone. 

Take courage.  If something doesn't work out, try again, maybe a different direction is what is needed.  God gives us nothing we can't overcome if we rely on him.  I read a blog recently about a woman who lost all three of her children 17 years ago.  Its unimaginable, yet God has gotten her through that fiery furnace and she has given ALL glory to him.  Another friend recently shared the story of her friend Ms. Wheel Chair America, Jenny Adams.  Jenny is an amazing child of God and her story of a lifetime of courage gives us courage.

So, I am reflecting on courage, how God is mindful of our wants, our concerns, our hopes, and even our dreams.

Where is our confidence?

To be a woman with a heart for Christ we must be confident.  We must be grounded in God's word. 

Confidence seems easy enough.  I mean, most of us are confident that we are pretty decent cooks.  Our families don't look starving.  We are pretty confident that we can do at least one thing well.  We are confident that the person we have chosen to spend the rest of our life with loves us.  We are confident that when push comes to shove, we will do whats right, even if it isn't popular.  We think we are confident in so many areas until we delve into God's word to us.  Are we confident Christians?

So what does the word confidence mean exactly?  It means to be assured, to have assurance in a belief, or have a firm trust in something.

How firm is your trust in God and his plan for your life?  

How firm and unshakeable is that trust, is it rock solid?  Or is it on shaky ground?  Jemimah  17:7 says "Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD."  In Proverbs 3:5 God tells us, "Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding."  So, how firm is your confidence in God's plan for your life?  Do you question what seems to be God's design for you and your family?  GUILTY.  I am guilty of this.  I struggle with keeping my finger out of the pie.  I'm being honest.

I am on a journey to shoring up my foundation and making sure its firm.  I admit that at times its weak. To gain the confidence I need I am discovering a few things.  I want to share them with you in the hopes that it will help you in your walk.

Your confidence will only be as strong as your source.  If you have a weak relationship with God, your source is weak.  You need to shore up your foundation!  I recognize this in me, so I speak from experience, and to become more confident in Him I am seeking out his word, reading his word, and reestablishing a prayer relationship with God. A relationship with God, just like the relationship with your spouse or friends, takes effort and work.  If we neglect those we love in life what happens?  We drift apart, and the same thing happens when we neglect our relationship with God.

Do you ever notice that when you're plugged in to God and daily reflecting and studying his word and talking with him that you hear his voice more readily?  Paul knew where his confidence came from.  In 1 Corinthians 2:4 he states this and goes on to admonish that our trust should not rest on men and the teachings of men but rather our faith should rest in God and his strength.


How can I gain confidence in God and his plan for my life?

For myself I find I must be still. This doesn't mean that I sit motionless.  To be still is to be quiet or waiting upon God.  My spirit must be still and not flitting from here to there and back again.  It needs to be still so that it can concentrate on God. 

Talking with God is important, its not a matter of finding the time, you/me must make the time. 

Reading God's word is a must.  How are we suppose to know what God wants for us if we don't delve into his love letter to us?

This is my question to you, what three areas do you honestly think needs work on in your life to strengthen your confidence in God? Work on those areas for the next  thirty days.  See if God doesn't start doing some amazing things in your life as you seek him.   At the end of thirty days revisit your confidence level, do you feel more confident in your walk?

The little worm

Rainy weather doesn't keep this family down.  Nope.  Today the weather dawned cloudy and rainy, typical winter in the "Northwet."  Instead of letting the rain keep us inside we donned our winter coats and this afternoon went to the park with Bear's bicycle.  I had plans to let her ride until she fell over from sheer exhaustion.

Did I already lose the mother of the year award for even thinking to wear her out?  *grin* Oh well.

Rain doesn't keep us in, we still venture out.  Today, because we ventured out, I witnessed a very sweet and gentle side to my daughter that would have remained hidden otherwise on this day.  She is a really gentle and compassionate child always but in her rough and tumble zeal for exploration and learning it can be lost (actually its just overlooked by us frazzled grownups).

I actually love outside play dates when the air is misty and there is a fog lying about.  Yes its a bit chilly but I use the opportunity to stretch my own legs and marvel at the creation given to us by God.

As Bear was riding her bicycle around and around she suddenly came to an abrupt stop.  I could see her cradling something in her hand and it was with some dread that I walked over and continued to ply her with questions.  What could she possibly be holding that was causing her to be near tears?

A worm.  A skinny worm.

She said she thought she ran over the worm and killed it. 

Right there in the park, no shovels to our name, we scrapped a hole and buried a worm (I can't say if it was dead or not).  I told her she should place the worm in the grass and if it were dead it would become food for the robins that we had seen in the park.  That was met with tears.  Big huge tears.  Thus I smiled a little smile and helped her dig the little trench/hole.  I thought that would be that after we covered the little thing.  No, she began to search for the proper stone.  She did this all with the utmost of care and reverence.

I was surprised, not by the concern that she showed but by the depth of her care.  She earned her daughter of the year award right there. Its times like today that I think to myself, "maybe I am doing something right after all."

Yes, I am glad, despite the rain, that we went out today.  It was worth the effort for her excitement and smiles.  It was worth it to witness her compassion. 

Christmas Past...

I remember the first Christmas Hubs and I were married.  We got married in October so we were still very much in the getting use to each other stage in December.  I had been saving money so that I could buy my love special Christmas tokens.   I put the weight of showing love in areas it shouldn't be, and I felt that spending money and buying things was the key to showing my love. 

I had the excitement of a six year old as I wondered what my new husband would buy me.  In my naiveté I somehow thought all newly married brides could count how much their husbands loved them by the gift(s) he gave.  Of course you know how much fallacy is in that kind of thinking.  I now know different and to look back all those years ago makes me shudder at my behavior. 

Christmas approached closer and closer.  Still, I didn't see any presents appear for me under our tree.  My heart got heavy....  Did he not love me?  If he loved me he would certainly be putting a lot of thought and time into picking out a gift for me, right?  Didn't all new brides get earrings, bracelets, necklaces????  Well, didn't they?  So, I waited.  I cried to my mom...  Her wisdom told me to not worry and to trust my husband. 

On Christmas morning I awoke, like a small child, and wondered if "Santa" had brought me anything.  Surely during the night Hubs had hidden a gift.  He smilingly seen my search and remarked, "maybe you should check the stockings." I did.  It was nearly empty, but when tipped upside down two watches fell out into my lap.  Now, you might be thinking I should have been ecstatic...  I wasn't.  I was in tears.  My husband's face fell.  Right before my eyes his face crumbled with he sound of my sobs. 

The watches he gave me were his mothers.  He quietly explained to me that he had saved them to give to me.  He tried to hold me as he told me how he had new batteries put in at the jewelry store, had them cleaned, and lovingly thought of me wearing them.  He thought I would be pleased.  I wasn't.  I felt cheated.  I was stupid and juvenile.

I ruined our first Christmas together by putting the weight of our love for each other on things.  I was already feeling like I was living in the shadow of my MIL.  Hubs giving me her jewelry was the straw that broke the camels back.  But it was also the straw that brought about both of us making some changes and understanding even more about each other.

Looking back, I wonder how I could have been so idiotic and immature.  You can't gage the love someone has for you by what they will buy or give you. 

The ultimate gift has already been given to each of us, all we have to do is open it and have belief, faith, repentance, and then take on the covering of Christ through baptism.  All other gifts are just things that have no real meaning.  Most of the gifts we will receive under the tree this year will be forgotten, lost, or broken before next Christmas, but the gift God gave is everlasting throughout all the ages. 

Yes, all those years ago I didn't understand the gift God had given me.  I didn't understand that things amount to very little in this life.  What really matters has no price tag.  I understand it now.  The older I get the more I realize that the things I really want and need can't be bought.  

Merry Christmas!

Acountability Update

It has been almost a year since we bought Accountable Kids.  I am not an affiliate site, they have given me nothing for writing this update.  I am just giving my honest opinion on how it has went in the year we have had the chart.  We have been without our chart since late June until last week, so I add that for your understanding.

It was a rocky start.  Some things that we are still working on are they daily reminders.  All I have to do is ask, "have you done your Accountable Kids?" and she will generally run and complete what tasks she is able to do.  When we packed it up I was shocked with how she cried over not having it.  She enjoys the flipping of cards, as I think it gives her a sense of accomplishment. 

We did end up adapting it a bit from what others do.  Frankly, while I ordered the book, it was not something I found as beneficial as just watching the videos.  Hubs and I were able to view the videos together in an evening.  I was able to get Bear excited about starting it as well.  I think this prep went a long way in our home to Bear loving it so much.  Its her chart.  I, personally, would not say you needed to buy the book.  I do have it though if I ever need it in the future. 

We only give stars for a special occasion outing when a job or deed has been OUTSTANDING.  Only one card has been filled thus far.  We have allowed Bear to save her bonus bucks for special things or she can save them up to buy from "Mom and Pop's Store"  These are generally items that we pick up cheap.  They have a cost to them and she can spend her bonus bucks on one or two things or buy something small and save the rest, or, better yet, save them all. 

If all her chores are done she earns one bonus buck a day.  For each section of the day she can earn tickets (this is how we have broken it down).  We have three sections to her routine; morning, day, evening.  Each of these sections can earn her a ticket.  Extra chores from the "Above and Beyond" stack can be done for Bonus Bucks.   

The Tickets can be spent on privileges, or saved for bonus bucks.  In our home Bear has yet to save her tickets.  They get used for movies or TV programs that aren't what I normally let her see.   For example, I normally let her sit down mid morning and watch Wild Krats, this is not something I would make her give up a ticket for.  If she wanted to watch Jake and the Never Land Pirates she would need to give up a ticket.  If she wanted to watch a movie that we didn't have planned for the day, she would give up all her tickets.  We are trying to show her that there is a COST and these things aren't free.  She can make choices, but they need to be wise choices.    

I know this isn't how everyone uses the program, but at 5 and 6 years old this is what we did to suit our current needs.  We haven't incorporated all the cards yet into our family program, that may come in time.  I also don't change out the chores daily.  I wanted something easy for me, and good for Bear as a visual reminder of what she needs to do every day and so what we have is working. 

On an appointed day we tally up bonus bucks.  We have recently decided that it will be done at a weekly family meeting (more on that to come). We think we are ready to move into something more formal, and a more formal accounting system for her. 

Yes, I recommend Accountable Kids.  The program, in conjunction with "Zoning," has been a blessing for our family.  Does it work always, 100% of the time, no; but it sure has made for less tension. 

Now if they only made a program like that for dogs and husbands......*grin*

Small Space "School"

We have been in "limbo" for several weeks.  Officially we have not started "school" yet, but we are still learning and growing. 

How do you learn in a small space?  How about if you couple that with a limited budget?

Very carefully.  *smile*  While we don't have all our supplies, we are getting the hang of it.  Exploring places and things are big on our list, and outside of the gas and the annual state park pass, exploration is free.  We pack a lunch, or if time is short in the morning, grab the makings for PB&J and a loaf of bread and a butter knife and make it when we get there on paper towels, paper plates, or wax paper.  It can work.  I am living proof of that.  I'm doing it. 

Its not as easy as living someplace with all your things that you THINK you need, but I'm finding we have time for other things.  Those other things are more time to read together, more time to explore together, more time to draw together.....  do you see a theme here? 

The library is our friend.  It always has been, but now we have amped up the friendship.  Bi-weekly outings are fun when everyone else is sequestered away in classrooms;  even when you ask the librarian for a fish book and she directs you to a book about Hag Fish and slime. *smile*  Yes, and someone is begging for a slime fish book....  *grimace from mom*

One thing that is really plain when you learn outside the box is that you need to take advantage of outside experiences occasionally.  I think homeschoolers generally EXCEL in this area...  I think our kiddos do more experiences than others.  This was not always true years ago, and it might not be true where you are; but I do want to encourage it.  Music is great, but think outside the box for experiences.  Explore and develop a mind that really does view the world as a laboratory. 

Find time to hunt for fairies.  Find time to see God in the natural world and to appreciate the creation he gave us to explore and love.  Find the time to just be....  I am still discovering this myself and sharing the peace I am feeling with this.  All things aside, the fact that we are in limbo, there is a wonderful glorious side affect.....  Time.

 

 

I will be writing more on small space and small budget learning.  Do you have tips and hints to share?

 

Feel free to email me at gardentenderstacoma@yahoo.com

 

 



Pride before the fall

Its been a while.  Yep.....  a long while.  Life has been so full lately that I haven't had the "heart" to blog.  I feel like I have nothing to say, without sounding forlorn, and I don't want to do that.

God has been good to us.  He really has.  When we get into our house it will be awesome, and I know this.  We are getting a rockin' deal; space to spread ourselves a bit.  This two or three month trial will make it all the more worth it, I know this.  Just as I know this has to be what God wants.  I am giving Him the glory.  It has been a trial and I haven't always been cheerful and full of patience.  We all know patience is not my strong suit anyway.  I am trying, but fail.  Please Brother Randy; please know that I am trying hard to be full of faith.  I am.  I am trying very hard to wait upon the Lord in all things.  I am not without hope, God is my hope....  I just really, really wish He worked in my timing! 

So I struggle with this aspect of my Christian walk.  I struggle with waiting for God to work.  The minute I think I have learned and I am doing ok, God says "let's see if you really are at a place where you can pat yourself on the back...." 

 

Wake up call time....  I have not arrived yet, so I can get off my high horse or be bucked off.  I am still a struggling sinner.

 

My heart is tired.  I am weary.  I am tired of waiting, and this is my problem.  I lack patience and this is my greatest fault.  I lack patience to wait upon God and to wait for Him to work.  I am tired and unable to do this, and am now where I have no where else to turn but to the embrace of God, but its hard to humble myself.  I am in need of the prayers of other Christians.   I have too much pride, and God is trying to teach me that my pride will keep getting in my way until I turn it over to Him.   

 

Thank you for hanging with me. 



 

 



Learning and Living Inspiration

I was introduced to Charlotte Mason's education method or learning philosophy a couple years ago, very briefly.  Recently, much by happenstance, I was once again reintroduced; God knew I was ready for it now.  Another homeschooling mom, Christine, planted the seed when I was really just starting to pick everyone's brains about all things homeschool.  It seemed so overwhelming at the time that I shut down on learning more about it....  Today as I sit and type this I find that there is so much of it I love.  I am still learning of course, but we will be implementing a lot of her ideas, or rather my interpretation of them, into our learning, and frankly, into our life style. 

But what I really want to talk about is the thing that has been touching home in my soul.  You know, that inner place that can be restless or at peace.    We can be at peace, even when everything around us is wrought with turmoil and strife.  We can have that inner peace..... It is attainable! I think I am really discovering some keys to it for my life.  I have found that thing so many of us have lost; I am on a path of discovery, a path toward discovering the "Mother Culture."

I'm looking for my  "Mother Culture" sweet spot.  I didn't realize I was missing it until I seen it was gone. 

Frankly, I thought a mother's lot in life was to not tend to herself and to worry about everything beneath the heavens.  I mean, admit it....  when the socks are missing who THINKS she has to find them?  We complain and nag.  Its like our uterus develops a homing device for all things lost in the universe (or we think those we love think it has!)....  Perhaps the real conflict is our own desire to control......  We feel out of control because we have lost our way, so we grasp at every straw we can find trying to bust our way through.....   Here we are trying to control virtually everything around us.  Yet, what we need to really do is relinquish that control and rely on God to show us the path He set before us.  

Because of this control struggle we kind of forget to take care of our needs and we focus on stuff we shouldn't focus on.   Our lives, and thus our family's lives as well, suffer the dreaded consequences (heart disease, cancer, diabetes...and more).  For decades we have been told that its  normal to be burning our candle at both ends as we try to have our cake and eat it too.  We're told its the way it has to be as we work, attempt to make a semblance of a home, have friendships with others, and take our children to seven activities every week ....  We run on empty, ALL. THE. TIME.  When we ponder the possibility that we don't need to do all that with other women we think are friends we might be told we are dysfunctional or oldschool/old fashioned.  We might be made to feel like we have developed a third eye, or a horn.....
 

I don't want it all.  Nope.  Not any longer.  Don't need it!

We were created to be a helpmeet, not to be the do it all fuss bucket with harried words and unsmiling faces that many of us have become.  Many of us bemoan our motherhood and long for "Mom's Nights Out."  I am not putting that down....  I enjoy chatting with other adult women as well, but why is it that the last decade or two this has become so needed by us women?    Have we somehow lost the meaning and spirit of the "Mother Culture?"  Did we ever know it?  Are we grasping at way to fill this void in our lives?  Yes, I think we are to a certain extent. 

I think we have lost it.  I think we tossed it out like old rubbish.  When a woman has said she wont travel the "modern" road we bully her.  We make snide comments and call her all sorts of names and even taint her family by our comments and innuendos.  Yes, we vilify the woman seeking the "Mother Culture."  We vilify her so that we feel better about denying our own desires to embrace motherhood and the culture surrounding it, whatever that might mean to us.   

At one time it was widely accepted that a woman would embrace the culture of motherhood.  Today people dabble in domesticity, they play at it; but through their play they are breaking the fibers that bind it.  You can't play at something so important.  You have to live it and feel it.  You have to embrace it.  We can't dabble in being a mother.  Dabbling robs our children and harms us.  There is NOTHING subservient about the Mother Culture.  Its about feeding the mother's soul so that she not grow weary.   Its about finding that peaceful sweet spot that seems to allude most of us. 

The "Mother Culture" is not about denying oneself.  Any simple reading should quickly dispel that notion.  Its not about wearing long dresses or having long hair, although many mothers might do those things.  Its not about sewing and baking your own bread, daily....  but again, many mothers might do those things.  Its about being a mother and enjoying it.  Its about making a house (apartment, boat, RV/trailer, mobile home, etc.) a home regardless of your circumstances.  Its about your children feeling loved, even if your family can't provide all the things that their friends have.  Its about finding peace in the here and now that God has given you. 

It may not be what you think of when you hear the term "Mother Culture", it may not be what I have in my mind today, but I am looking to having more of it in my life.  It feels right.  To gently guide my child, to be the maker of our home, to fulfill a role I  think God means for me to have. ... To embrace this culture I was given six years ago.  Yes, my Mother Culture Sweet Spot.

Its my journey and I hope you stick with me as I share it occasionally.  It feels like coming home for me.  My soul has found some needed peace and rest, and it happened in God's time. 

 

 

Photo credit:  http://www.pixosphere.com/ and
http://www.pixosphere.com/profile/Maha

Happy Birthday America!

On this day we celebrate our nations claim to independence. It was the day that an idea born in the hearts of men, took wings and was given flight.

This, then, is the state of the union:  free and restless, growing and full of hope.  So it was in the beginning.  So it shall always be, while God is willing, and we are strong enough to keep the faith. ~Lyndon B. Johnson

I found this time line of American Independence here.

1774

Sept 5-Oct 26 1774: First Continental Congress meets in Philadelphia.  There were 56 delegates representing each colony except Georgia.

1775

Feb 1:  In Cambridge, MA John Hancock and Joseph Warren begin to prepare for war. 

Feb. 9:  English Parliament declares MA in a state of rebellion.

March 23:  Patrick Henry delivers his famous speech where he states, "Give me liberty or give me death."  "It is in vain, sir, to extenuate the matter. Gentlemen may cry, “Peace! Peace!”—but there is no peace. The war is actually begun! The next gale that sweeps from the north will bring to our ears the clash of resounding arms! Our brethren are already in the field! Why stand we here idle? What is it that gentlemen wish? What would they have? Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty, or give me death!"
March 30:  King George again oversteps and the New England Restraining Act is born. 

April:  MA appointed Kings Governor Gage is ordered to suppress open rebellion by colonist using whatever force was necessary. 

April 18:  Gage orders 700 British soldiers to Concord to destroy any weapons the colonist may have in a depot there.  This is the night of the now famous midnight ride of Paul Revere and William Dawes. 

Dawn April 19:  About 70 armed MA militiamen stand on the village green and thus begins the revolutionary war with the "shot heard around the world" and so it was...

April 23:  Provincial Congress in MA orders almost 14,000 American troops mobilized.

May 10:  Fort Ticonderoga in New York captured for the colonist.  On this day the second continental Congress also convenes, John Hancock was elected president. 

May 15:  Congress places the colonies in a state of defense.

June 15:  George Washington appointed general and commander-in-chief of the newly formed Continental Army.

June 17:  The Battle of Bunker Hill.

June 5:  Congress adopts the Olive Branch Petition.  This was later refused by King George III. 

July 6:  Continental Congress issues a declaration on the Causes and Necessity of Taking Up Arms and states the Americans are "resolved to die free men rather than live as slaves."

1776

Jan. 5:  New Hampshire state Assembly adopts the first American state constitution.

March 4-17:  British evacuate Boston and sail for Halifax.  Washington goes to New York. 

May 2:  King Louis XVI of France offers support in the tune of 1 million dollars.  Spain steps in as well. 

June 7:  Richard Henry Lee of VA presents a formal resolution calling for America to declare her independence. 

June 11: Congress appoints a committee to draft a declaration.  The drafters are Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Franklin, John Adams, Roger Livingston, and Roger Sherman. 

July 4:Congress formally endorses the declaration. Actual signing occurred on August 2.

And so it goes.....  you can read about the many battles and hardships faced from this moment forward as men and women (of all colors) fought for independence.  A dream borne by men enslaved by a tyrannical government gave birth to a nation.  In our hearts that same blood flows.  While we may celebrate with hot dogs, apple pie, and homemade ice-cream today, we also remember all those that had a dream long ago and what that dream meant and still means today. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMERICA

 

My Husband....

The Hubs. 

The Hubs and Bear recently
getting ready to ride
home after church.  He enjoys
spending time with his child.

I don't share much of what he's doing....  I make comments every so often, but he is always here in the background.  Grounding me, lavishing encouragement, helping me to see another side....  He makes me complete.  I know, I know....  in our modern age, telling someone, much less the universe (or at least a handful of readers) that I wasn't complete before I met and married my husband is about equal with someone saying they kick old dogs in their free time. 

I am taking this space today, these few minutes it will take me to write about him, and devoting it to him.  When I say he is awesome,  he is.  I'm not just whistling Dixie and trying to prove something.  Anyone who knows him knows the truth.  Is he perfect?  No.  But he is the man that completes my life. 

Hubs is calm where I am like wild rapids.  He truly does ground me. 

When family squabbles occur between my siblings and I rather than goading (as one SIL is want to do) he steps back and attempts to get reason to reign again .... and waits.  He knows that I will calm again and with his calming presence I will do it more quickly.  He is right to do this.  I know he understands me, sees my side, but he also knows that getting involved in family dynamics that he wasn't brought up in is pointless.  The best thing he can do is be the calm life raft that I can reach for.  When I reach for it, he can then pull me to safety.  My youngest brother should realize the man he puts down as weak is a much greater and stronger man than he will ever be. 

Hubs is a great father.  Bear adores him and will run and greet him at the door.  Each morning she requests her kiss before he leaves.  He encourages her in her adventures.  He teaches her about things I could never even fathom being important.  But he also teaches her how to change sparkplugs, tie knots, throw a ball, and catch the football.  He gives her a side of life I could never give her alone.  She is learning what a good man is, how a good man treats his wife and family.  My prayer is that she finds a man like her daddy one day.  A man that understands what family is and how important his role is in it. 

He is consistent.  In love.  In Discipline when its needed. 

He works very hard at a job that is tough, and still comes home to deal with crying females on days that have went to you know where and a hand basket.  Just his entering the room Bear knows....  His calmness permeates everything.  REALLY.  In all the years we have been together he has only raised his voice once while upset, that I can recall.    It was enough that I was immediately shocked into stunned silence. 

I wish he could do more of what he wants to do.  I wish with all my heart he could.  He has never said he is upset or disappointed in not having his single days back.  NEVER.  Some men go around and say they still need to be with the guys and they insist on doing all or many of the things they did when they were single...  Not Hubs.  I have told him I have no problem if he wants to, I understand the need to completely relax, but he has rarely went out with the "guys".  He says he has more fun going out with his family.  He asks for so little, his greatest desire is for his family to be happy and healthy.  I wish he could have everything he wants, and he says he already has it. 

He thinks I am a great cook, gifted writer (HA!), talented artist, and the best lover in the world.  I am humbled.  I am in awe still that God directed our lives to find each other.  It was through God.  If I had never became a Christian, I would have never met my husband, nor he I....  I can see God's hand in our lives, and for that I am eternally grateful. 

Hubs is my best friend and will readily admit I am his.

So here I am, a fairly modern educated woman, admitting that I am not complete without my husband.  I am not ashamed.  I am honored and humbled that one so perfect for me cherishes me and loves me.  I am proud to take his name, keep his home, raise his child, and love him. 

Keep on movin'....

This past couple weeks have been fraught with tension, unknowns, pitfalls, and sinkholes.  Is it any wonder I face writing with some trepidation as I form the words to remain upbeat and positive when I sometimes feel anything but? 

All this being said, I see God's hand in our lives, gently guiding and steering our little family.  Despite pain, anguish, and brief heartache God is showing His will for our lives.  Our prayer continues to be that our will matches His.  I would rather my will matches God's than try to bend his will to mine. 

2 Peter 3:9 says "The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance."

I have read that verse many times.  God will always keep His promises.  Man may make a promise but something might come up that was unforeseen to keep even a honest well meaning person from keeping a promise.

There is one verse of  the hymn Standing on the Promises of God that goes like this:

 

Standing on the promises that cannot fail,
When the howling storms of doubt and fear assail,
By the living Word of God I shall prevail,
Standing on the promises of God.

When we rely on God and His word to us, we can prevail even when the storms of life threaten to intervene and overtake us.   Fear can be thick and deep, but God's will NOT be dissuaded from the course He has set for each of us.  When He makes a promise, He keeps it.   "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."  Matthew 11:28-29  God provides a safe harbor for us if we seek him.  Its hard, I know this.  I struggle with giving my soul rest and letting God do the work He promised me, if I just have a little faith. 

In my daughter I see the faith God requires of us.  He often uses her voice to speak wise words to me.  "Be still Kim.  Rest your eyes and mind and focus on what is now.  Don't worry about tomorrow.  I wish only good things for you and your family.  BE STILL"  Or the simply truths like "Mommy, its what God had set aside for us."  when I might have doubts.  She's right.  We have prayed for His will.  He will keep his promise that if we ask, have faith, we shall move mountains.  Maybe our mountains are pretty small, but God still cares.

Its been a rough month.  I am learning, with a lot of bumps and bruises, to rely on Him in all things.

 

Ready..... Aim.....

FIRE. 

Sometimes there is a warning.  Sometimes, well pretty often, it's just plain shoot from the hip and who ever is in the way at that moment is my target.  Yep, its true. 

The last few weeks I have been trying to really give this some thought and work.  This yelling thing and what might trigger it.  Why I might do it....

I have concluded a few things. 

I am in control of myself, or I should be.  I can't blame anyone.  When I get mad and yell I shouldn't look at my little girl and say, "why did you make mommy yell?"  I shouldn't look at my husband and lament "you didn't do xyz and that made me yell!"  They didn't make me yell.  What makes me yell is my own inability to cope with some given situation. 

I am loath to admit it....  I am able to be manipulated and controlled....  by my emotions.  My daughter is only 5, she can't make me yell.  My husband isn't able to. No one holds a gun to my head saying "YOU MUST YELL or I will shoot you."  Nope, the yelling is all me.  I must own up to it.

I own it.  No one makes me yell.  I make myself yell. 

I OWN IT.  I make myself yell.  No one else does. 

I have triggers.  I can turn around and do something else or I can give in to them.  Who do I want to control me?  Do I want to control me? Or do I want that "hollier than thou woman who thinks she knows it better" control me?  Yeah, I know I want to control myself.  I want her to control herself.  My turning away and not losing it doesn't mean I give up the battle, and that she wins.  She doesn't.  Only one person should have control over how I act and react.  I am the fool for giving her that control. 

My triggers don't own me.  I am in control of my own feelings.  I can't control your feelings, or your actions.  So I must be in charge of the feelings I can own and how I react to the things life throws at me.

The book of Proverbs says "Whoever is  slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly."  (Proverbs 14:29)  and  "Whoever  restrains his words has knowledge,  and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding." (Proverbs 17.:7)

Its true.  Very, very, true.  I am quick to heat.  I wish with all my heart I had a cooler spirit.  That when I am angry its with righteous indignation instead of hurt feelings and selfishness.  I'm being brutally honest.   Is it really anything but selfishness and hurt feelings when I yell and erupt with unlady (or man for that matter) like behavior. 

I will say, generally I am also quick to clam down after I have had an eruption.  The problem is my eruptions are earth shattering.  I am gonna share a story.  I am sharing in an effort to show how insane anger can be.  Hate me if you like....  but the truth isn't always pretty.

One of my worst ever blow ups......

I was pregnant with Bear.  We were doing all those innumerable projects a new mom has on her list.  All those things she thinks her baby will want; like a spotless basement, manicured lawn....  you
know insane projects when in reality a baby doesn't care about none of that.  They eat, sleep, and poop. BUT, I thought I needed all that and more.  I can't remember my list but I think it was about two pages long.... 

It was maybe two months before Bear was born.  I needed a hammer and I couldn't find our good construction hammer anywhere.  I was livid.  I insisted when Hubs got home that he help me look.  I looked everywhere.  Of course being an emotionally laden individual I began to think Hubs wasn't showing enough worry and concern (Selfish behavior on my part!).... 

Now what do you think I did? Hmmmm, just guess?  I was eight months pregnant.  What do you think I did?  Did I sit down and cry big tears?  Did I slam doors and refuse to listen to reason?  Did I scream?  Blame and call names maybe?

Try all the above!  Sadly, yes.  All the above and then some. 

I stomped up the basement stairs, me and my pregnant self and fumed at Hubs.  When I say he is longsuffering with me, I mean it.  He is very long suffering.  You will agree after this..... 

I stomped up the stairs from the basement and slammed the back door, locking it behind me.  Yes I locked it and I screamed and cried about how he was refusing to listen to reason.  I was in FULL ORANGE RHINO MODE.  Reading it really hammers home how crazy it was once I started down that mad as $#*& road.  Have you ever gotten angry and started down the road, unable to stop the emotions and insanity?

Anyway, I slammed the door, accused our family friend of stealing the hammer and .... accused Hubs of taking his side in it!  I wish it would have stopped there.  Hubs told me maybe it was in the laundry room and maybe it had fallen behind the washer or drier......  so in full tilt unable to stop YELLING and unwilling to curb my anger  I moved the washer and drier out of the laundry room to prove it wasn't there.  Yes  BY MYSELF I took the washer and drier out of the laundry room, all the while fuming and crying big belly ugly sobs. 

Hubs finally came up, unlocked the door with his keys and told me it would all be alright, but for me to listen I had to be spent....completely and utterly spent....  I was sobbing in the middle of the kitchen. 

And, we never did find the hammer that day. 

I am not proud of it.  I am not proud that I behaved in such a horrible fashion.  I am not proud that over the years my husband has forgotten how to relax, fearing that the straw that breaks the camels back might happen at any moment.  This is not what I want.  I am sharing all this you can see my worst. 

Day 3 is upon me.  Its a stressful one as we complete some big projects, but I aim to do it without yelling.  I came close today, but I made it. I am entering day 3 of not yelling!!!  Yeah I will say I am pretty proud.  It was hard Thursday, but I made it!

Angry Woman Photo Credit:  http://www.clipartguide.com/

 

Momschool...

When Bear was about 2 1/2 or 3 we made the official announcement that we were going to homeschool as long as it was what we felt called to do as a family.  As the end of the year approaches and we look to the year ahead we reaffirm our decision.  Our journey has been bumpy at times, but I know I am not alone in it.

This question was posed on our local Homeschool group~~  What is your definition of a successful homeschool year?

Did we survive it?  Yes.  *grin* but we did more than survive.  We learned a lot about ourselves along the way.  We learned the importance of habits, more specifically, good habits.  I guess for me the best way to define a successful homeschool year is did we continually strive forward?  Yes.  Even when things have been hard we have looked for other ways to do things.  Perhaps we even evaluated if Bear was ready for what we were trying to learn. 

Did we reach a few of our goals?  Yes, and then some.  Our goals this year included:

• Write our letters --have we mastered it no, but after months of struggle we are doing it.  The biggest problem is getting a wee Bear to have the patience. 
• Write our numbers (1-20)--See above
• Count to 50 and work on counting by 5's and 10's (to work on telling time next year)--we can count well above 50, and are still working on 5's and 10's. 
• Work on lacing and tying --- she has actually tied her own shoes a few times.  Not perfect, but not bad!
• Simple math from living skills --measuring, counting, subtracting, adding...yep all that.
• Education from the counter study  --we have made a lot of fun things and performed a lot of fun experiments!
• Explore Right Start Math concepts--still really weighing it all and deciding if I want to purchase it this year or wait one more year to start formal math. We will actually be starting Right Start this year. We felt we would be better to wait another year with formal math.
• Bible Studies ( incorporating a new book I bought about tea parties too, and using those lessons to work on our major theme... and manners) --Habits....  still working on forming good habits and since beginning Charlotte Masons studies I am seeing an even greater importance to it.
• Using the Bible for some Science lessons as well --we talked about God's creation a lot in our experiments. 
• Bible Buster Club --Not as often as I would like. 
• Social Skills--sharing, being kind, listening, etc.
• Arts and Crafts--  We have done more than I can list.  We did a raft again this year, made snowmen, filbert babies, Jack and Jill crafts, and more.  It has been fun! 

That being said here are some things I have learned this year. 

• Don't over schedule.  Everyone is happier spending more time relaxing at home than doing a zillion activities.  There is always next year
• Don't place high expectations on yourself or others.  Expectations often make people feel like they have failed when they are unrealistic.  Make realistic goals instead!
• Each day we learn something even if it isn't what I had planned.  Nothing we learn is for naught.
• Simple is better.
• Be quiet.  I am still working on this. Being quiet is more of a spirit thing too and I think having a quieter spirit would settle well with the life goals we have. 
• Stop comparing our learning experience with others.  This is hard, but I am learning to understand I can admire but need to keep our family's needs and wants in the forefront.  What works well for another family won't work well for anyone else.  What it does do is foster creative juices as I think about things that MIGHT work for us.  How can I adapt some trait or experience I see in another family to fit our family.
• If I don't know it I can learn it.  I am not worried about telling my daughter that I don't know "and we need to look it up!"  Homeschooling teaches you and your child that learning is life long and admitting you don't know something is ok.  No one laughs, no one yells, no one gives you a bad grade....  you just find a way to learn it.  This is why homeschooling teaches HOW to learn.
• Outside the box is great.  And it can be fun.  We don't think in neat little square blocks so why would we learn that way?

John T. Gatto once wrote:  Schools were designed by Horace Mann and Barnard Sears and Harper of the University of Chicago and Thorndyke of Columbia Teachers College and some other men to be instruments of the scientific management of a mass population. Schools are intended to produce through the application of formulae, formulaic human beings whose behavior can be predicted and controlled....When children are given whole lives instead of age-graded ones in cellblocks they learn to read, write, and do arithmetic with ease if those things make sense in the kind of life that unfolds around them.

Its wise to remember this and understand that as a homeschooling parent we don't want to raise formulaic children with behaviors and thoughts which can be controlled.  We want to raise free thinking people.  We have the ability to give our children a wonderful gift.  We can raise them with our values and ideals.  This isn't a bad thing, regardless of what society teaches.  Its not bad to raise your children to hold your values and ideas dear.   In fact, to not raise your children to hold your values (as long as they are loving values) is a tragic injustice.   This is something I have learned.  This is something we are still learning.  Do we cower to society and its ways or forge ahead holding fast to what we ultimately want for our family? 

"Object-lessons should be incidental; and this is where the family enjoys a great advantage over the school. The child who finds that wonderful and beautiful object, a “paper” wasp’s nest…has his lesson on the spot from father or mother.” Charlotte Mason

"Boys and girls must have time to invent episodes, carry on adventures, live heroic lives, lay sieges and carry forts, even if the fortresses be an old armchair; and in these affairs the elders must neither meddle nor make." and one last wonderful quote by Miss Mason, "Education is a life. That life is sustained on ideas."

The question remains:  What is your definition of a successful homeschool year?

Did we learn?  Yes we did.  We learned to love more.  We learned to live better.  We learned to hope.  We learned to lean on God.  We learned to live our own path.  We learned to own our mistakes.  We learned to have joy and hope.  I'd say we had a very successful year. 

How about you?

 

 

Fizz Experiments:  Kitchen Science!